My husband won’t f me until I “earn it back.” It hurts like hell.
My husband (34M) and I (35F) have two beautiful children, ages 5 and 8. My husband is a police officer, and as such, works long stretches of time.
When he’s home, he doesn’t have the “bandwidth” to be a husband or father, and mostly sits in his computer chair, drinks, and watches TikTok. Holding a conversation is nigh impossible. I can see the pain in his eyes anytime he has to interact with me.
The last good thing we had together was intimacy in bed. Yesterday, he decided last minute not to come to a birthday party with us because I was “being annoying” for asking him if I could have one Saturday a month to myself. He rolled his eyes and said, “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
I ended up taking both the kids alone, which is always sketchy because our son has autism and tends to wander. About fifteen minutes into the party, sure enough, my son bolted. I had to call 911. The birthday party turned into a search party. It was an absolute mess. I was an emotional trainwreck. Thank God we found him, about a 45 second walk from the building we were in.
When my husband caught wind of what happened, he called me a slew of names, and then informed me, until I “got my shit together” he wouldn’t sleep with me. My love language is physical touch, so he knows how much this hurts. He’s already taken affection away. No more spontaneous kisses, no compliments, no tucking my hair behind my ears and kissing my neck.
So now, no f-ing, too. Last night, I think he was dreaming, because he pulled me to him, I could feel his hardness against me, and he put his hand down my pants. I whispered, “What about your boundary?” He said, “Oh, okay. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Then he turned over.
I ask when we can f again. He said when I “earn” it. I asked how I can earn it, and he said, “By not being a b**** to me and watching your kids.”
I’m sorry this is lengthy. I’m in so much pain. How starved can a person be? No intimacy for who knows how long.
Thank you for listening.