As the title states, my wife has gained upwards of 30kgs in the last 3 years. Her entire body type has changed completely, and I’m finding it almost impossible to be attracted to he and of course there is almost no “exercise”.
I feel like a complete jerk, and I never want to tell someone how their bodies should look. I still love her, don’t have any intentions of cheating on her, etc. But as hard as I have been trying to embrace and be attracted to her physically as she is now, I can’t seem to do it, and I don’t know what to do anymore.
I keep a healthy calorie count, and am also the one who tends to do most of the cooking. I always try to make health-conscious meals and snacks for her to have. She eats them and seems to enjoy them, but will also always buy or have chocolate, chips, ice cream, etc. that she seems to be eating consistently between and after almost every meal.
I also suggest we work out together when we have time. She’ll sometimes reluctantly agree, but then is very quick to cancel or find a reason not to when the time comes.
She has been experiencing some small indicators of her health declining since the weight gain (back pain, shortness of breath when walking, etc.) that she will always make a point to say obviously has to do with something else. Bringing up the possibility that it could be related to weight is a recipe for an intense argument, and I don’t take that route anymore.
Every once in a while, she’ll say she wants to lose weight, and I say that I will support her in whatever way she would be comfortable with. But every time, after either a week or two, the effort is dropped either because of a holiday, some friend event or birthday party, etc. And then it goes right back to the same way it was.
I’m trying to read as many articles as I can for how I can reframe my mind to change what I can find physically attractive. I try to let go as hard as I can to what my initial physical attraction to her was. But I can’t, and I just find myself increasingly depressed and frustrated.
I’m kind of at the end of my rope here. I would be more than happy to go to a therapist for myself, or maybe a couples councilor if that would be helpful. Though I fear that even bringing it up in a counseling session would start a huge fight.
I simply feel defeated and a bit lost at this point. Any insights into similar circumstances, recommendations for how to approach this, etc. would be so, so appreciated.
Thank you!