Chinese new year visitation
Hello:
Seeking an advice here. Any advice is welcome. I just got married last year in November. I am an only child and before I got married, I spend CNY yearly with my mother.
Last night she told me her expectations for this coming CNY. She told me I must eat reunion dinner with her on CNY Eve night, attend visitations with her to her siblings house on CNY 1-3. She asked me to go back to my husband and in-laws only on day 4.
She said I am not counted as officially married in hers and her side of the family, as I never held any traditional Chinese wedding. My husband and I only ROM, had our wedding photos taken and applied for a flat. My husband wished to treat her an early CNY Eve lunch on actual CNY day but she denied his good will. She also said he stole her daughter.
I told my mother, i need to spare a thought for your feelings, so what about my in laws and my husband? You want my husband to turn up at gatherings as a single man? She called me an unfilial B whom only knows how to sleep with a man. She said I cared only for strangers not her.
Does all of you have a mother like her? How do I deal with her?
Here are what netizens think:
- Your mum just want to guilt trip you la. First of all, you are married in the eyes of the law, whether she likes it or not, your surname have changed and that’s a fact. I have learn that not all parents deserves respect. The fact that she had to say those nasty words to get you through to you just shows that she doesn’t deserve respect. So, why do you need to listen to someone who doesn’t deserve your respect? Just do what you need to do
- In law, you’re married (unless it’s nullified for non consummation). We know from the Bible that while we are boen of our parents, we are united as one with our spouse in marriage. Your mom is clearly hostile n antagonistic towards your hubby. While you continue to love her n be filial, you can’t let her ride roughshod over you and your marriage. Over time she must learn, and she will.
- u didn’t share how she have been treating u since birth until now. If she’s always very nice and suddenly act like that, there must be a reason behind.
- Your mum might have separation anxiety. And u r the only child, thus she can’t accept that u belongs to someone now. Since she’s a traditional woman, you should hold a Chinese wedding to give her a 交代 if not she will forever feel u have not married ( u can hold a small Chinese wedding also can if cost is an issue) She also feel 打抱不平 that her only child did not have an official wedding that’s y she Angry your hubby la. If u do properly all this thing maybe she won’t be angry. Also is it u seldom accompany her? That’s y she very needy. Wish u r around her all the time… is time u start to sit down and have a talk with her maybe u might learn the truth on why she’s like that
- U married into his family. U changed ur surname after his. So it’s natural your husband side will be priority. Like it or not that’s a fact and that’s the tradition. Or maybe squeeze time to visit both side on the same day lor.