My wife is constantly nervous to make any sound in bed. How do I encourage her to be more open? This helps combat a medically reduced libido.
The title explains it all, but it’d be valuable if I try to provide some background into this. My wife and I have been together almost 8 years, married for 6 years. When intercourse occurs it is great, but it hasn’t been without issue in the time we’ve been together. These issues range from travel due to careers, mental health, to even medical surgeries that kept us down and out for extended periods of time. There has been one variable that has remained constant though, I’m the noisy one, whereas she is typically the quiet one.
I consider being noisy a learned trait, it’s something I had to learn to do through multiple partners. I want my partners to know that I’m enjoying them and what they’re doing, that there is enthusiasm. To ensure that, I moan, I grunt, I dirty talk, and whatever else to show that I’m drunk on the pleasure that is occurring between us. This isn’t the case for my wife.
My wife is typically quiet during intercourse and will let out some noise, typically when she’s about to come or we’ve been at it for while, but otherwise is mostly silent. This can change, but it changes when she’s being more of the DOM and I’m being more of the SUB; however, that’s only what I’d consider dirty dialogue, which is hot but is specific. This is something I’ve brought up several times in our relationship and it gets better for a little bit, but then reverts back to old habits.
After reading all of this somebody might ask why am I so concerned, why am I trying to change something about my wife when all other things I’ve talked about point towards being happy with the current conditions? Perhaps what I’m about to say is selfish and that would be because it partially is. When my libido and interest is high I can still get hard with little issue. With how quiet my wife is this causes my mind in the moment to not feel wanted, or that there isn’t a shared mutual pleasure, eventually leading to a disinterest in continuing and I start to go flaccid. The bad thing is, at this point I’ve already gotten in my head and eventually my wife’s because now I’m flaccid and play time has to be extended to get hard again or we end up calling it quits for the session.
Before anybody says I should just communicate with her, I have and I’ve mentioned the same information that I’ve shared above. What I’m looking for is advice to help encourage her to open up, to know that her moans, grunts, and all the noises of sex and sounds of animalistic nature are welcomed and craved. I want to be a better partner that can commit to penetration when we have it, but this ask has seemingly turned into a subconscious requirement of mine to maintain my hardness