My now ex wife realized she was into women after 5 years together. I don’t know what to do with my anger and hurt.
I apologize ahead of time for the unorganized jumbo of words below that is now my life.
I’ve never felt emotions like these, let alone for what seems like an eternity. Around Feb she came out to me.
She truly is a good hearted soul. After all the shitty women I’ve had to deal with I can truly say, she is the first woman I’ve ever loved. The word “love” never had true meaning in my dictionary until her. Yeah we had our ups and downs like most couples do. She was young and I was stubborn.. that’s it. Those were most of our problems. Our bedroom activities weren’t the spiciest and there were definitely periods of time it was absent. But it was something we both wanted to fix. So like most couples we explored, if you catch my drift.
We both worked a lot and probably only had kinky time with a third once a month or so. We had hooked up with this girl, we will call Megan, a couple times. I had been put on over time for a hot minute and just not find any free time. I had brought up the idea of my wife going to see Megan by herself. She didn’t want to at first. She didn’t want me to be left out, or make me feel any certain type away, but I reassured her and she decided to go. When she got home she told me everything went great and thanked me for being the best husband around. Picture perfect.
The following month I started noticing things. We both had dating apps to to find women for us, but she mostly had the most luck. But I had noticed her talking to these girls more and more often. She had gotten more and more comfortable and towards then end, more eager to have one on one time with these girls.
One night she had approached me about having a side gf. Which I wasn’t totally against the idea but I did have some concerns about it. Im not a jealous or insecure person at all and had the upmost trust in my wife. But building a relationship can be a rocky road for just two people, let alone adding a third on the side. I didn’t want another gf on the side, I was truly happy with her. After some discussion and some clear boundaries were established we had agreed that she could have gf on the side. She shortly after starts dating Megan. Everything seemed great at first. They would have dates and go shopping. We would still have our threesomes but with just Megan.
Then the threesomes became less and less and fast too. Megan had suddenly really distances herself from me. Didn’t seem interested in myself and not just in the bedroom but out and about as well, doing regular joe shmoe stuff. My wife didn’t really have an answer for me and was really dodgy about the topic. At the same time she seemed distant and uncomfortable with me in bed.
One of the worst feelings in the world is having the realization that your partner isn’t enjoying sleeping with you anymore. God that hurts.
After trying to have a conversation with her about it and her dodging the topic for two days, and getting angry, I shut her phone off to get her attention. She didn’t get pissed which shocked and scared the hell out of me. But instead told me she had to tell me something and that no matter what she loved me more than anything. She came out to me. Explaining to me, having that experience with a woman opened her eyes. Like she was given glasses after living with bad eyesight her entire life. Telling me that everything makes sense. She always thought girls were attractive looking but never realized she was actually attracted to them.
Of course Megan knew this before I did and thought my wife should leave me and go with her. Hence why Megan didn’t want anything to do with me. I was furious when my wife told me that. I think the most upset I’ve ever been in my life. But before I could tear into her (verbally of course) my wife explained that she had broke up with Megan the day before because of Megan trying to convince her to leave me.
She had said she wanted to be with me and only me. That our life that we had built together was more important. Promising that she will satisfy me and wanting to make it work. Of course I to wanted to make it work and for a couple of days I let myself live in that fantasy. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t be that selfish. I couldn’t be happy. Because her happiness had always been my goal. I got to witness her being her true self, I could never take that way from her, I also couldn’t stomach the thought of someone forcing them selves to sleep with me. Especially her. I could truly never be happy knowing she is keeping herself in a prison for me. No one deserves that.
She moved out in April, she constantly blames and guilts herself for hurting me. And causing all of this. this wasn’t a situation she caused but a situation that happened to us. I don’t blame her and non of this is her fault. I hold no resentment towards her. And I hope she finds true happiness. But I am angry and hurt. I’m so alone. I have to start over again. I used to want kids but now I don’t want to ever get married again. Let alone have any spawn. This messed me up. I honestly don’t know who I am anymore. When you build a life with someone, you evolve into something different. Sleeping at night never felt so lonely. I miss my best friend. I never thought I would want to hear about my wife’s shitty day at work so bad. I have all of this anger and hurt but I don’t know where to point it. It’s coming up on a year here soon, and I am still hurting and angry as I was the day she told me. We just got the divorced all finalized last week.
I definitely didn’t mean to write as much as I did but maybe I needed it, shit idk any more.
Sorry for the scrolling distraction, but I hope you kick your mondays ass!