With every relationship I’ve been in, I’ve raised my standards a bit. Now I’m worried I’ve raised them too much…
On one hand, I’m really proud of myself as I look back and see how much I’ve grown to respect myself. But looking forward, I’m not sure if I’ll ever find someone who meets my standards for a partner. And that kind of worries me.
My first boyfriend, in secondary school and JC, was violent. Yelling, putting holes in walls, fly off the handle at any little thing temper. And he did hit me once. Only once, and I left.
Second boyfriend also had a temper, though was less trigger-happy with it. He did yell and throw things occasionally, but he never hit me, so I put up with it. We eventually broke up because he told me, that I would have to convert to his religiuon if I wanted to get married. Next.
Third boyfriend had no temper at all, but he was an alcoholic. And a far-right, conspiracy theorist. Learned a whole lot about that group of people (gross). He was also a huge slob, never picked up after himself, and would come home from work, drink until he passed out, and repeat the next day. He lied to me a lot too, when he was supposed to be going sober. Noped out of that.
Fourth and last boyfriend was pretty good I thought. Kind, funny, our political beliefs aligned well and he was supper supportive of my spiritual beliefs. He was, however, late all the time. 15 minutes late for our first date, 2 hours late for our 2-year anniversary date, and almost every date and get-together in-between. And was completely and utterly unapologetic about it.
I tried setting up dates so I would pick him up, and every time I arrived at his home he was in the middle of a shower. Eventually, it felt like he was doing this on purpose, and I broke up with him shortly after our 2 year anniversary (he was also mad I didn’t want to have S that night. Like, seriously, maybe if you had been here 2 hours earlier on time, I would have been in the mood then…)
Sometimes I regret breaking up with my 4th boyfriend. Like in the grand scheme of things, was being late really a big deal? I’ve been single for the last year, and honestly, it’s been pretty peaceful. Lonely, but peaceful. I feel safe, all the time, and I don’t have a partner hounding me for S 24/7. (That was an issue with all 4 men I dated, they all had much higher S drives than I do. But I think that’s a me problem. Hopefully when I get my tubes tied next year, and get off hormonal birth control for good, I’ll finally have a half decent libido).
I do eventually want to get back out there and date again, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to find a man who doesn’t have any of the negative traits my exes had. Not to mention, I’m not a very attractive woman, and I have herpes, and I don’t actually know if I’ll develop a libido, so it’s not like I’m a huge catch myself.
But it is what it is I guess, I think being alone will be better than being miserable/uncomfortable forever. Glad I have a really supportive family, some amazing girlfriends/found family, dogs, and smutty books. Not to mention, this community is great.