Friend requesting for wedding angbao after attending her wedding without giving angbao
So… I’m in a bit of an awkward spot. It’s been a rough few months for me financially and of course would never breathe a word of this to people around me, just been keeping my head down and hustled away.
This friend of mine invited me to her weekend wedding in the beginning of the year to a 5 star hotel.. and angbao rates are >$250 💀
I didn’t hesitate much when I accepted the invite then as she has been a good older sister figure to me but over the years we only meet up about once or twice a year, as most adults do, and so I would say we are more like acquaintances these days. I did hint to her then that there were many expenses added on to my burden lately and now I’m not sure what she thought of it, if it seemed like I was humble bragging rather than lamenting.
Come actual wedding day, I am broke af, literally living paycheck to paycheck and didn’t have enough $$ to cough up an angbao. Felt so f-ing guilty sitting there eating a $250++ meal without paying for it and managed to leave the venue uneventfully.
Fast forward a couple days later. I was just about to head to bed, and a text came in from said friend wondering where my angbao was. The text was worded politely and seemed almost genuinely puzzled they “couldn’t find my angbao as they managed to find everyone else’s” and wondered if it was an oversight on my end.
When I tell you my heart stopped when I saw that message 💀 I have no clue how to reply her and how I should navigate this situation in a way that wouldn’t hurt my rep and the friendship. At the moment I have received my salary (it was after the wedding) but I really only have max $50 to spare for an angbao after paying for all my bills 😭 At this point how am I supposed to gift the couple a $50 angbao and still wish them well and keep my face?? Ghosting her is also not an option as I don’t want to burn bridges even though I know that no matter how I deal with this, whatever friendship left out of this would eventually fade.
For context, this friend’s personality has always been super money minded and is not the type to blanjah you a meal based on her good mood, bills are always split down the middle and rounded to the nearest cent LOL. Not saying it’s a bad thing, it’s just how she’s always been.
The window to reply her text would be closing soon.. I am so stressed and have not been able to sleep well since receiving it. Please redditors I need your help.. what should I do?
Update
Edit: thank you everyone for your comments and advice. I did not think this post would blow up and on hindsight should have definitely worded it better. I have done some reflection and here are some takeaways:
- Yes I agree it was 100% my fault for not addressing the issue earlier with my friend. The reason as to why I did not decline the invite is because I knew how important this day would be to her, regardless if I still saw her as a close friend or not, and she wanted me to be there. I clearly have issues saying no.. hence spiralled to this stage.
- I have since spoken to my friend and transferred a token sum and explained my situation, and offered to treat her to a nice meal in future when I have the means. Much to my relief it seems she is okay with it. Will have to eat cheaper for the month 😅
- I should not have simply labelled her a money minded person, and the examples written above are purely examples, not that I expected to get free meals when my friends are in a good mood lol. I feel ashamed for having judged her too soon.
- Thanks everyone for the advice once again, both kind and unkind. Never knew this topic was this polarising in this corner of the internet, nevertheless it’s been very interesting to hear everyone’s views. Guess I won’t be going to any weddings anytime soon!