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Friday, February 3, 2023


MIL’s mom passed away so I’m banned from seeing my friends and family for a month?


My MIL announced in the family group chat that her mother (SO’s grandmother) passed away. She then said that we’re not allowed to visit any friends, family or go to anything celebratory for at least 4 weeks as per her culture and tradition.

Apart from that being a terrible way to mourn someone, this also happens to be the month before my best friend’s wedding so we have a whole lineup of bridal activities. There’s no way I’m skipping all of that for the mourning of someone who I never met!

I decided to just block her from seeing my posts on social media and am just going to live my life. I’ll happily comply to not see her or her family for a whole month, but she can’t dictate what I do in my own life.

Netizens’ comments

  1. You can actually put MIL on to a restricted list as opposed to blocking so it allows her to see what posts you decide she can see. Maybe a handy tool for the long term. If your DH has fb, he might want to do so also so she doesn’t find out about something you have hidden via his fb page.
  2. No way! MIL can be miserable for the next 4 weeks due to her cultural beliefs but that doesn’t mean you do! Go enjoy your best friends bridal festivities!!
  3. Absolutely the right thing to do. No need to confront her or challenge her on this. Simply go about your life and handle the mourning in your own way. Just be careful that whoever else is on your social media isn’t a person who would report back to her. I’d keep that social media posting very, very low or tightly controlled.
  4. This is customary in my culture as well. We’re not even allowed to get take out. We have to eat all home cooked meals.

Sometimes people will go a year without celebrating big occasions. It’s meant to be a “grieving period” and a bonding period between the family, as new roles are figured out.


Sometimes it’s about how you look to others on the outside too. A lot of ppl in my community would gossip if family moved on too soon.

However, my parents would never impose these traditions on my husband or anyone else. So if you weren’t close to your GMIL (grandma in law), don’t sweat it too much. Restrict her on the social’s so she doesn’t know.

Check in with your husband to see what support he needs (cause he just lost his grandmother), to see if he’s cool if you celebrate your best friend’s wedding, and make sure he’s cool about keeping it from his family.

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I need to hang my head in shame for being an unthinking husband.Sorry for any shirking or grammar issues...
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