A mother of 2 shared how she didn’t want kids right from the start and when her first pregnancy happened, she even set up an abortion appointment.
Here is the story:
I’m 33 and I have 2 kids ages 5 and 3. My husband and I agreed that we didn’t want kids and I was on birth control when the first one happened. I cried for months and we even set up an appt at an abortion clinic.
Obviously, we (mostly me since he was of the “your body your choice” mindset) decided against it. The second happened because of peer pressure and people telling us our first would be spoiled if we only had one.
He has turned out to be the world’s best father. He genuinely enjoys spending time with them, playing with them, cuddling with them, etc. I’m very happy for him that we didn’t end up with a kid-free lifestyle because he was obviously meant to be a dad.
I, on the other hand, am not meant to be a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, I feed them, help them with their homework, play with them, and do all of the things I’m supposed to do… I just don’t enjoy it.
I’m a very solitary person. I enjoy reading and watching movies in peace. My husband is the only person I’m okay with being around all of the time because we can sit on the couch and cuddle while we do our own things.
The kids aren’t like that. They are ALWAYS THERE! Everything feels like a chore when they’re involved and I know I can only fake it so much. I’m constantly scared that they are going to notice my struggles and aren’t going to think I love them or they are going to need therapy or be screwed up, and I constantly feel guilty for not being the best parent I can be like their father is.
I feel like he knows how I feel and feels like he has to pick up the extra slack and be super dad and I hate that.
People say things like “I know some days are hard but enjoy this time with them because in 10 years they won’t want to be around you at all” but it’s hard EVERY DAY and all I feel when people say that is anticipation for the time when they don’t want me around…
Looking back, I know canceling that appt. was the best thing for my husband… and I personally don’t ever think I could go through with it even knowing what I do now, but sometimes I picture our life had I never gotten pregnant. I’m a terrible person.
Editor’s note: This is actually very common and you don’t have to beat yourself about it, feeling like that is absolutely normal. it’s not easy being a mother, and that’s why mothers are the greatest creatures in the world.