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Friday, January 27, 2023
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WOMAN EARNS ABOUT $1.6K/MTH, HAS $5K DEBT BUT REFUSES TO PAY & GOES SHOPPING INSTEAD

My Wife is in Debt and Spends Too Much Money

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I (M30) have been married to my wife (F27) for a year. We’ve been together for 7 years. A few months after we were married my wife told me she has over 5k in credit card debt. She hid it from me for a few years. We were living together before getting married and I paid all the bills myself. She was not working for the last few years, in school for part, staying home with our daughter (her biological daughter, now my step daughter) during covid. When she got a new job I was excited because since I could afford the bills (barely breaking even), we could start saving for a house. That’s when she told me.

She has a separate bank account. She makes 20k per year at her new job, so she could theoretically pay the debt off in less than a year. But she’s not putting all of her money to the debt. She’s spending money on drinks, cigarettes, eating out, shopping etc. I’m not talking about getting fast food or coffee every once in a while. It’s hundreds of dollars per month. I don’t think this is fair as I pay all the bills. I tried to talk to her about this and she thinks I’m being controlling in trying to get her to pay off the debt. She claims she makes above the minimum payments and that’s good enough. She gets mad when I want to see the statements.

But why should I pay all the bills while she spends her money on what she wants? She always wants to eat out and buy new clothes and random trinkets we don’t need and asks me for money for these things and will sometimes take my debit card without asking. My money is her money and her money is her money. Then she’ll act like I’m a miser for wanting to save money. It’s not fair to me to be the responsible one, while she’s hamstrung our future. And to paint me as controlling, as if I’m wrong for wanting her to get out of debt while I’m the one paying all the bills, is bullshit in my opinion.

I’ve already talked to her about this multiple times. She agrees with me, then doesn’t change. What steps should I take next? I don’t want my marriage to end over debt, but she won’t act responsibly.

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