My boyfriend cried in front of me for the first time and it made me feel a type of way, is this weird?
I’ve been with my bf for 2.5ish years now. He’s never been comfortable talking about his emotions. The only person he’s ever confided in was his mother when he was a child/teen. Some people refer to him as a robot.
Obviously in the past I’d expressed my desire for him to talk to me about things that are effecting him but he just fobs it off. We’ve fought about it in the past and he has said he just cannot get the words out.
Earlier this week his family found out that his mother will be passing very soon. As in potentially a couple of weeks even. It came as a surprise to all of them. I asked for advice earlier in the week about how I can make him feel comfortable being vulnerable around me.
I’m rather introverted myself so I was worried I would mess it up. Some kind people commented other types of intimacy I could try instead of words. One that stuck out to me was offering to wash his hair. Idk why, just feel like I’d love if my partner offered to do it for me when I was feeling down.
Well when he eventually came home he looked rough as anything. I’d already made dinner so we sat down to eat it but we pretty much ate in silence. He rarely even looked up from his food. I asked if he wanted to talk and again he fobbed me off.
Once we’d finished I asked him if he’d like to shower with me, it would have been a couple days at least since he’d have been able to have one.
I dimmed the bathroom lights & put some relaxing music we both enjoy on the speaker. Got the shower nice and hot, gently helped him undress & had him sit on the bench thing under the water while I finished undressing.
I joined him and slowly washed him everywhere,taking breaks to rest my head on his or whisper something to him. i spent a while massaging his head as a i washed his hair. I kept kissing him on the lips, forehead, neck & occasionally embracing him. Rubbed his shoulders and places I thought he’d be aching after being up and about for 2 days.
There was nothing obscene about the atmosphere, it was a whole different type of intense intimacy, It’s difficult to describe. He’d hardly said a word during all this and he looked like he could cry any min. I wasn’t sure what to say, I didn’t want to pressure him into anything so I just looked him in the eyes, smiled and said “it’s ok”.
Once we were done we both sat there for a while on the bench under the water, not speaking just enjoying each other’s company. I kept running my hand up and down his back, across his cheek or head. just trying to make him relax as much as possible.
Once I dried him and myself off, we got into bed and I stuck the tv on, I was half watching it and half playing with his hair. I asked if he wanted to talk about anything and he shook his head. I could tell he was really upset despite him trying to hide it.
Maybe 20 mins later I could see him literally on the verge of tears, I rolled to my side and put my arms around him pulling him into my chest, that’s when he started. The tears began to flow and he sobbed and sobbed. He was squeezing me so tight sometimes it wasn’t easy to breathe. I could feel the years of bottled up emotions flowing out.
He continued crying harder & it broke my heart. he didn’t say much except something briefly about “mum” but it was muffled. I felt so bad for him I had some tears myself. I just held him tight and kept whispering how much I loved him, that it was ok, I’m here, I’ve got you etc.
Even when he eventually stopped sobbing he continued to have his arms wrapped around me so tightly with his face buried in either my stomach or chest. I continued just comforting him until he fell asleep.
Usually I don’t like cuddling when sleeping but that night i held him all night long. I just couldn’t bring myself to let him out of my grip.
It’s hard to explain the way I was feeling during this, obviously terrible that he was going through this but at the same time I was so happy / relieved, Is that weird? It was an emotional experience, seeing the guy you love more than anything show negative emotion on that level for the first time.
I remember almost every detail of the night. It’s etched in my memory. I haven’t bought it up to him yet, I figured maybe it’s best to let him talk about the evening when he feels ready? But then again i also want to be able to tell him that it was ok and a good thing he did.
I think he’s a bit embarrassed that it happened so don’t know if he’ll bring it up. I hope he does though. I’ve read some women say that once they’ve seen their man cry they loose attraction.
It seems bizarre to me, if anything I feel even more attracted to him then before. It’s like it has amplified my love for this man. I never want to let him go.
Thanks for listening to me, I’m sorry it’s so long, I perhaps could have made it shorter but I thought everything in here helps paint the best picture of the evening and therefore helps anyone in giving me accurate advice.
I just needed to share it with at least one person and there is no way i would speak to anyone we know irl about my boyfriends vulnerability