My husband’s crossdressing is the bane of my existence
It makes me sick. All of this started right after we got married. And I do mean RIGHT after. On our honeymoon, he wanted to wear the lingerie I had brought for myself. Then, he shaved his beard and his entire body. He started wearing my clothes. He would only use razors, shaving cream, body lotion, etc that smelled super girly. I was not into this at all, but I wanted to be a good wife so I tried to indulge him. I bought him lots of lingerie and pretended I liked it. I did this to avoid a fight. Now he had started watching adult videos. Pretty soon he no longer wanted to sleep with me. It was always the strap-on or some other weird kinky stuff. We were always kinky before but it never involved crossdressing.
He started tucking and even going out in public in bimbo mode. Our intimacy was extremely emotionally exhausting for me but I did it anyway because I didn’t want a fight. I even brought in an old fling of mine to spend a weekend with us. My husband was dressed up the whole time. I feel sick even remembering this experience, but at the time I just did it on autopilot so my husband would be satisfied. Soon after this, he convinced me to buy him a $600 chastity device. This was sort of fun for me at first. But then he decided he wanted to get it resized. He got one that was about 3 sizes too small. It would take him 40+ mins to get it on because he really had to jam himself in there. It was painful to look at. I was afraid this would cause permanent damage and I begged him to stop. He wouldn’t listen. He wanted to shrink his manhood. This made me incredibly angry, but I bottled it up.
His crossdressing just kept escalating from there. We had an agreement that he would not do anything permanent, and that he had only one hall pass per year. The hall pass thing I had agreed to before we got married, because I already knew he also liked guys and I accepted it. There is one thing a man has that I don’t, so I agreed to let him get that elsewhere once per year. For almost the whole first year of marriage, he was a walking kink. I then found emails between him and a hormone replacement clinic. He was asking them about doing a consultation to go on estrogen. That was the straw that broke the camels back. We had a really long discussion about it, and I told him that if he does this I am gone. The next day he went backpacking to find himself. I was creating an exit plan while he was gone, fully expecting him to come home and tell me that this fetish is more important to him than I am. But actually, he came back a changed man. He wanted to be normal again!
That was almost a year ago, and things have been amazing since then. We’ve even adopted the traditional lifestyle, he works and I stay home. I take care of all the cooking and cleaning. We even do domestic discipline. Things have been so wonderful. It’s been almost a year since he stopped with all that. I’ve never been this happy. I found out we’re having a baby! We were over the moon! And then…
He tells me he wants to start cross dressing again. He said he’ll only do it for “Locktober”. I told him then you must mean next year, not this year because I will be newly postpartum by then and I can’t deal with that in such a vulnerable state, nevermind that I also won’t be feeling up for any intimacy either. He considers this, then says he’ll do it in June this year (I’ll be 6 months then). I try to put it out of my mind, since at this time it was only February. But I’m already thinking of places I can go for that whole month of June so that I don’t have to participate in this crap again. This fetish is absolutely repulsive to me and I don’t think that I can slap on a brave face and suffer through it. Maybe I can for a month, I did it for a year! But I’m thinking it would probably just be easier if I am away somewhere while he’s at home doing that.
We’ve been here before. Either I put on an Oscar worthy performance, and enthusiastically participate in whatever depraved kinky crap he wants to do, or he withholds all love and affection from me until I do. I feel like he’s slipping away and I’m losing him again to this disgusting, life ruining fetish. When he stopped cross dressing last year, I told him that I will not go back to home doing this full time. I can’t. His entire life revolved around this kink. He assured me that he was over it, and no longer found it appealing. That it was a phase. I believed him. And now we’re here. What can I do. Grin and bear it I guess? I feel trapped. I felt trapped before, but now I’m pregnant so I’m REALLY trapped.