My husband and I had a very fast courtship and engagement. We met and married within 11 months and have been married for 4 years.
My husband has a job that requires him to travel a lot. Without giving too much information he is a VP of sales for a company so he’s constantly working and travelling about 50% of the time. I entered our marriage knowing this and have never had an issue.
I learned about 7 months after our wedding that he had actually been engaged to someone else, let’s call her Amanda, at the time we met. He claimed he was worried about hurting her as they had been together for a long time in the past. However what hurt me the most is that he did not call off their engagement until he proposed to me. We’ve worked through that issue thanks to therapy and we continued to still go to therapy.
Early last week I discovered I was pregnant with our third child. He was overseas so I thought it would be fun to surprise him with the news at his hotel so I planned on getting a cake with “you’re going to be a dad..again” delivered to his hotel. I called the hotel asking how I could go about this and was told they didn’t have him staying at that hotel. I assumed I had messed up where he was staying but I know his company would only put him in that hotel group.
I have, admittedly, over looked some red flags and realized something was going on. I know he keeps all his passwords the same and I know our passwords for Netflix etc and logged into his Facebook and Instagram to snoop. While snooping I found DMs with Amanda that were flirty and she had been tagging him in stories.
I called him up and asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell me. He said absolutely not, and I said are you sure because I know you’re not staying at X hotel because I was trying to surprise you with something. After now being together I can pick up on some of his lying tells and when he tried to tell me he was somewhere else I called him out on his tell and he said he would be home that night and we could talk.
I assumed he was coming home to tell me that he and Amanda were seeing each other but instead he told me that he had been having an affair with a woman we will call Sarah and Sarah and him have 2 kids together. He was with her and has not been going on as many work trips since COVID started.
The kicker is, he started seeing Sarah while still engaged to Amanda and his kids with her are 6 and one who will be 4 a week before our 4 year anniversary. He and Sarah both claim that they haven’t had “intimate relations” since their youngest was conceived. He was seeing both Sarah, Amanda, and I at once in the beginning of our relationship.
I asked him about his dms with Amanda and he said that they had reconnected at a reunion gathering, which I did not go to because I had just given birth two nights before, last year and had been hanging out with old friends.
I am absolutely devastated and confused. I gave birth to our first son January of 2020, our second son June of 2021, and like I said am currently pregnant with our third.
The betrayal goes farther with the fact his mother has been helping him hide this secret from everyone. She has been the best grandmother to my boys and is very active in their life and helps me with cleaning our home and giving me time to do things away from the kids. She knew every time he was going to go see Sarah and their kids and never once told me.
I’m coming to the realization that everything in my world revolves around him. I can’t even begin to talk to my friends about this because all of my friends are his friends wives. I feel like I am this big joke to his friends and family and I’m not sure how to change that. I don’t have a job because i quit it to be able to travel with him when we got engaged. I feel like I’m stuck and don’t know how to get out. Has anyone left a marriage not knowing where to go or how to survive?