I (29f) found years worth of explicit messages between my partner (45m) and another girl and not sure what to do next
As the title says, I found at least three years (I stopped scrolling at that point because there were too many and my hand was aching) of texts between my long term boyfriend and some girl.
We’ve been together since 2019 and these go back at least to 2020. There were even texts where she was asking him if I was around and if he really loved me.
I’ve never gone through his phone before, don’t really know why I did now, but I did and I’m torn on what to do next.
At this point int the relationship, our lives are pretty intertwined. We live together, we share a bank account, this list goes on and on.
My first reaction is to want to confront him and leave him right away but i know realistically i should stop and think.
What if anything should I do or prepare before I bring this up with him?
- YOU BREAK UP. I am so sick of seeing posts where the older man is clearly a predatory, and a creep on top of that. This should not even be up for debate. He’s 16 years older than you AND he cheated. You don’t prepare to bring it up at all.
- Make an exit plan. Where are you going to go immediately? Can you get a place on your own? If you can, do that first. If not, figure out who you can stay with. If you have a current lease, figure out what you need to do to get off of it and get your name removed from any utilities or other shared bills. Cancel any insurance policies that are in both of your names and get one for just yourself.
- Go talk to your own divorce lawyer, and do it on the sly. Get some advice that actually applies to your situation.
If you do break up, you want the best terms you can get. For instance, you keep the home (whether rented or owned). Lawyer may tell you how to keep the most money from your shared account, etc.
Even if you stay with him, knowledge is power. Please keep reminding yourself: He has cheated on you.