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Saturday, December 10, 2022


I was in a relationship the whole of secondary school. I was together with my ex from 13 to 16. I realise i crave for male validation a lot since i knew what it was due to not having a father figure since birth.


The 3.5y i was tgt w my ex started off sweet & simple, till the 2.5y mark. He cheated on me and was very violent. The first time he laid hands on me was the first time i confronted him about his cheating. I left immediately because i knew i will not stay in an rs like this,

That night he came to my house and got on his knees to beg me for forgiveness and promised he wont ever lay hands on me. I believed. My heart was soft. I was young & dumb.

This was a toxic cycle that went on for a year. We broke up on and off, i too seeked validation from other males during the period we broke and patch constantly.

The relationship came to an end when i graduated from sec sch, i was determined tht it was going to be a phase of my life i need to leave behind so i left for good. No closure on his end no nothing, i was always the one holding onto the rs.


It took loads of courage. It was extremely difficult bc aft all i did give him 3.5y of my life. I did extremely well for O levels, i was so happy & i wanted to let him know but i didnt want to go back crawling. Fast forward 7 years ltr, he still wishes me on my birthday yearly even till now.

I’m 23. I stopped replying to his birthday texts about 3 years after our rs ended. I regret giving him all of me when i was young, i was stupid & i took extremely long to heal properly from the relationship and the trauma it has brought me. I became rebellious after secondary school & almost dropped out of JC because i didnt know how to cope with these feelings. I was literally living on edge during JC till i met my fiancé whn i was in uni.

I’m getting married next septemeber with my fiancé who ive been seeing for 4 years, who showed me I deserve to be loved. Gave me emotional support throughout my whole uni life & when i first started working. Understood what ive been through and has always been understanding.

My fiancé is a great guy, 25, smart, tall & good looking. He has never once made me insecure or doubt him and constantly showering me with love & reassurance.

Dont get me wrong, i am extremely happy in this relationship but first loves.. they always have a special place in your heart. But just a bittersweet feeling of how my first love & i couldve been getting married if he didn’t cheat.


Ive nvr told anyone this or shared this story because i dont like the sympathy, everyone thought we broke up due to us growing apart when i was studying for my Os. I cant wait to get married to my fiancé, but i dont know if i wanna invite my first love because i want him to witness how happy i am with my life & relationship now.

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