Driving is always my biggest fear in my life, something I couldn’t make myself do it. Not many people know that I was involved in a car accident around 6 years old.
Although the rest of us had only slight injuries, my mum suffered a miscarriage and somehow life is never the same again. My dad and mum’s relationship suffered, but because of me and my younger brother, they never divorce. For a long period of time, my mum would blame my dad for the miscarriage.
After graduating from junior college, while waiting for university to start, most of my close friends started learning to drive and kept persuading me to join them. I cannot overcome my fear, so I came out with different excuses to reject them. Soon, all my close friends got their licenses and drove their parents’ cars out. I have to depend on them fetching me home during late night.
They sometimes would joke around, saying I’m “Da Xiao Jie”, refuse to learn to drive my own and need to depend on them.
I did try. I signed up with a private instructor for lessons, but the moment I held my hand on the steering wheel, I would have a panic attack, my heart beating like crazy, breathless, and so on. After several lessons like this, the instructor gave up on me and rather refunded me the money than waste time on me.
I never imagine myself taking any driving lesson again until one incident. My husband was overseas and I was left at home taking care of my toddler. He climbed up on the sofa and accidentally fall and hit the edge of the table while I was cooking dinner. There was a deep and large cut on his face and blood was gushing out from his wound. Really really scary. I couldn’t stop the bleeding, and I tried calling a cab/Grab but it kept stating no driver found. We do have a car but I cannot drive. Ended up I asking my neighbour for help and they were kind enough to send us to the hospital.
From then on, I understand I can no longer depend on others to drive me all the time. I forced myself to take up the driving course again, if nothing else, at least for the sake of my son. I was pretty lucky this time as I got a rather patient instructor. For the first few times, I was so scared that I literally just cried in the car. But the moment I remember my son’s accident, I would push myself to give it a try. I forced myself and managed to complete all the lessons. I did fail my driving test for 2 times. But for the 3rd time, the test instructor was very patient with me, and even willing to wait for me to calm down to start the test.
Back in the room after the test, he said a lot of encouraging words to me, I thought I have failed again.
“Congratulations! You passed this time!” he said. I burst into tears and almost wanted to hug him. To him, maybe I am a crazy woman, or over-reacting. But to me, it is big progress for me. I finally overcame my fear and am capable of doing things I always fear of.
To those out there reading my post, I hope my story can motivate you to overcome your fear. It is extremely hard I know, but as long as we give ourselves a push, you can do it too!