I am jealous of my daughter and her perfect life
My daughter is 14 years old. I had her when I was 16. I did not want to keep the baby, but my parents are conservative and pressured me into it. I did not want to be a mother. I was still just a child myself. Just the year before, I had never even kissed anyone before. MY pregnancy was the worst time of my life. But my parents openly celebrated the fact that there would soon be another child in the family. I did not want anything to do with the baby. My parents adopted her and have been raising her as their own. I moved in with my aunt when she was about 2 years old and cut contact with my parents. They had chosen their cravings for another child over the one they already had. It hurt me a lot. But if they wanted to play family I would let them. It’s not like they were ever decent parents to me anyways.
Sometimes I look at my daughter’s instagram when it pops up on my feed and I can’t help but wish it were my life. I can’t help but feel angry about how I was robbed of all of these moments with my parents when I gave her life. I can’t exactly blame her for what happened but at the same time, if I had miscarried would I be in this situation? She will have my father walk her down the aisle if she decides to get married, but I will not. She can have a sweet sixteen I lost mine. She will finish highschool I will not.
She actually reached out to me recently. My parents were open with her about the adoption. She wants to have a relationship with me, but I do not. I just can’t. It would be too painful for me. I feel so disgusting for my feelings towards her, but they just wont go away. And I am not going to hurt her by pretending to love her.