I’m jealous of how my boyfriend treats his friends
My (24f) boyfriend (26m) has a wonderful and close friend group that have known each other since they were young. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years and they’ve welcomed me into the group as one of their own and we all get along great.
The only thing is, I’ve noticed my bf is very affectionate and caring with them, but not so much with me. It makes me sad, and pretty jealous. For example, when one of them is going through a rough time, he’s constantly bringing it up and he’s visibly concerned and he’ll reach out to them daily checking in, will offer to bring his dog to their house to cheer them up, and he will choose careful words to use to make them feel heard and loved. Whereas with me, I just get weak “I’m sorry”s and no effort, nothing. I have to ask for affection, and I’ve embarrassed myself by getting upset and asking for more effort. I mean, on a regular basis even when things are fine I have to ask for the kinds of affection that are normal for relationships (casual touching, kisses, cuddling, etc)
I know he loves me, but I wish I received the same love and effort that his friends do. Another thing that makes me sad is when he’s out with his friends he’s off his phone and won’t respond to me at all for hours (which is fine, I know he’s with them and encourage him to have fun), but when he’s with me? He is on his phone the whole time and responding to them individually and the group chat constantly.
I shouldn’t have to teach someone how to love me, and I shouldn’t feel lonely while in a relationship. We have good times, and he tells me he loves me, but that’s different than truly feeling loved.
I’ve learned to just accept everything because this is the first healthy relationship I’ve been in since truly improving myself and my confidence. In the past I chose abusive and toxic guys/girls to date because I just wanted to feel something. I am happy, but I can’t help but wonder if I could be happier.