I have been married for 14yrs to a generally wonderful guy, hands-on with our 3 children (5, 7, 9), financially responsible, loving, surprises us with gifts and trips, do the chores etc. But, his temper is horrendous! He will flare up when we argue using vulgarities and that look on his face scares me, like he is ready to kill. Recently, he has been physically rough with my 9yo girl. Once he threw her against the wall and few days later he tried pulling the scarf she tied around her neck roughly and it kinda chocked her in the process. This was the last straw I guess and I want out.
He has hit me before we even got married and I know I am stupid to proceed with the wedding. He did change almost 360 degrees after we had children but we will still have his outbursts like every few months or so. I thought I would just accept this as his flaw since he is a good guy every other day and nobody is perfect, right? But verbally and physically abusing my children is something I cannot live with.
We have not spoken to him for about a week and there was a huge difference in the whole atmosphere. My children were not arguing, we are all more relaxed and happier and I take this as a sign for me to start my exit plan. Problem is, I am a stay at home mum with not much savings and financially dependent on my husband. What do I do next?
I am looking for a job now but I am more concerned about housing. I do not have much CPF left and worry that whatever I have put into this matrimonial house may not be enough to secure the next house. He doesn’t know of my plan but is it a sound decision to stay until I find a job, stabilise myself financially first and then file for the divorce? Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you.
Here are what netizens think:
- When wife behave differently or strangely, men think of the whys and tried to solve the problems together as a family. Women only think of how to get rid of you no matter how long is the rls. When you acting differently, out of a pattern she perceived. Your rls is over.
- Men and women are different. How we de stress is completely opposite. Its exactly the same why women cries when they are touch and happy. Men dont understand it. The only diff is men will try to solve the problem but women think men is the problem.
- If its a once a blue moon occurrence, then likelihood is that he doesn’t have a place to vent stress and frustration from his outside work life. Bottling up much of the issues in his heart and then bursting out on the very people he should be protecting. Children without father’s are always a bad thing, but with abusive ones ain’t no better. But we should. Look into avenues of resolving this issue first before considering a exit plan. No abuse is acceptable that’s for sure. But it seems that you have made some good out of his character. So look to reinforce the good he does, and use that period to speak to him about his issue. Get him to take up some physical activities that may help him release those pent up anger that he holds and seek marriage counseling so that a third party can better point out the issue he has and what you can do to push him in a better direction. At least try this before taking the final step. If there is a chance he is willing to be better, then at least give it a go first.