Hi all – I’m on the precipice of breaking up with a partner of 5 years. While I’m going to be out of the dating game for some time to recoup, find myself again, etc., the future feels a little bleak for dating.
I’ve been making leaps and bounds in my career for the last year or so, and it got to a point where I’m working on things like FIRE, expanding one of my business ventures through hiring people, and a number of other things.
I realized that this time around, it’s really important for me to find a partner who’s where I’m at (or close to it) financially, as this hasn’t been the case in the current relationship… while it’s not the only reason I’m breaking up with him (probably like 15% of it), it has been pretty big.
How the hell does anyone find men that are in the same or a similar place where you are financially?
I’m in my mid-20s and make 6 figures (software eng), and I was telling my friend about this whole situation. She laughed and told me that she doubts that I’ll be single forever or anything, but that it’ll probably be pretty difficult finding a guy my age that makes what I do.
It’s important to me because of the lifestyle I want to have – I want to go on adventures/travel and have a nice dinner from time to time and not have to have an argument over getting a necessary service done (like a $200 pest control bill – yes, he fought me on this, even though he makes more than enough to split this bill with me). This man has only started taking me on dates after being brow-beaten to do so for FIVE. YEARS.
We have literally never been on a trip together that wasn’t us going for a medical reason, funeral, or for a relative’s wedding, etc. (and even that was only once). Sure, a “poorer man” can do these things, but I’m not down to wait until he saves for 6 months to be able to afford going somewhere with me. I was poor my whole life up until like 3 years ago… I’ve “roughed it” my whole life involuntarily.
I don’t want to have a million nights in, have cheap or free dates, or never do anything new and unique because he doesn’t want to/can’t spend money. I have literally 0 problems with doing these things (they’re still fun) – I just don’t want this to HAVE to be the only thing they do because he can’t afford not doing this stuff. I’m not trying to be a Barb the Builder anymore either and be forced to push him to grow, give a shit, etc. If he’s got his own money, he won’t be in my pockets.
I’d like to be with someone that has at least a little ambition… not “potential”, but ambition. It’s so, so easy to find dudes that “are working on a business right now” but really, it’s just an idea in their notebook. Or “are on the come-up”, but aren’t working towards higher education, training/certification, etc. I want someone with passion and a career. Where do you even meet people like this? All I can think of is Tinder, and I hear online dating is a cesspool (plus, I doubt any well-off 20-somethings that aren’t trying to just screw around will be on there anyway).