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Thursday, June 20, 2024
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WOMAN NEVER MET HER ONLINE BF BEFORE, SAVING HERSELF FOR HIM FOR 10 YEARS

Before I begin, open your mind to online relationships, especially since this was an unintentional online relationship.

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Me (28F) and my bf (27M, Filipino) have known each other for a very long time. We first met in the fandoms of tumblr way back when I was 18, and we were best online friends among the other online friends I had.

It was my entire world for 5 years as I was young and dumb.

Outside of being online, I studied and worked part-time, had multiple physical NSA relationships irl that never worked out because I was secretly in love with this online friend.

Fast forward to 2022 and we’ve been in a proper online relationship since 2017. I’d always planned to meet him, but he lives in the Philippines and we were both too poor to reach each other.

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Then the pandemic happened and has severely delayed my progress in life. I was in a fast-track corporate job but was made redundant at the start of the pandemic, I now work in retail.

As an adult, I’ve made some very good irl friends (i don’t have any online friends anymore). They both live with their boyfriends and one even has a 3-year-old.

I’m feeling like I’m very far behind in life because these two have their boyfriends right there living with them and I’m all alone, living with my parents because I had to move back in with them after losing my job.

Now the pandemic is kind-of over (as in nobody really cares anymore) I’m looking for another corporate job to get my life back on track, but there is still the problem of my boyfriend.

He lives in the Philippines as I mentioned, lives with his parents because Filipinos don’t really move out of their parents house (so he says), and works from home as a freelance artist.

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He doesn’t really make much money and has no ambition to make more. He probably would go into a corporate job, but his mental health would suffer I assume.

I have savings to visit him, but he has none to visit me and every time I bring this up he just tells me to pay for him.

I feel like it’s a little unfair that I’m the only one who’s bothered to save my money to visit, even after so long surely he could have saved enough.

I’m fed up. I want a real, physical relationship. I want someone I can come home to and cook dinner for and have kids/adopt pets with and start my life with.

I’ve been faithful and haven’t cheated at all, except with my satisfyer pro. I’ve had multiple people ask me out and I’ve had to refuse because I’ve had a secret online boyfriend this entire time.

I’ve really been thinking about how much I’ve possibly missed out on, on how much time I’m potentially wasting.

But then, if I break things off with him, I am truly alone. I’m constantly asking myself the questions, did I waste the last ten years of my life with this online guy? Or should I go meet him to see the potential we still have even though he doesn’t really want me to?

I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t move forward, and it’s driving me nuts. I know most people are going to say “dump him” but please consider the fact that we’ve been there for each other since day one.

I supported him emotionally through his school and he saw my worst side while I fought an eating disorder.

We’ve been there for each other for so many years but he doesn’t want any more than what we have now. I need more, I want to start living our lives together and start a family, but he doesn’t want any of that.

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I have to leave him, don’t I?

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