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Saturday, March 2, 2024


Does karma really exist?


My ex from a decade ago left me extremely cruelly when I was at my lowest. Long story short, the family member I was closest to died mysteriously overseas and my ex was the only person who saw me break down as I was constantly holding my emotions in check in front of everyone else, as my dysfunctional family has shaped me into someone who doesn’t like to cry in front of others.

He claimed that I was too emotional and he can’t handle it, and in my broken down state, I brought up break-up. I didn’t mean it of course, but we ended despite me apologising profusely for it.

We were only together for 10 months, and he was the one who wooed me persistently initially when I didn’t really like him. Well, he got together with an NTU intern 2 months later whom he knew from his company when we were still together. I have never recovered from his cruelty.

4 years after we broke (4 years of him being in a relationship with that intern), he confessed in a late night text that he thought of me once in a while and that he missed me and the moments we spent together. I thought there was some hope of a reconciliation, but of course, it was just late nights words from him that don’t mean much. I did not reply nor kept in contact with him after that as I don’t believe in jeopardising his relationship with her.


I knew from mutual friends that he has been with that intern all along, proposed to her in Australia, and they have gotten married in a beautiful wedding a few years ago. So while a small part of me was feeling heartbroken all over again each time I hear of his news, I was also a little glad that I finally can close this chapter for good, and am also genuinely happy for him. A curious roam on LinkedIn though, led me to discover that apparently, his wife had pursued him the moment she knew him and when I was still with him. Thanks to both of their career timelines on LinkedIn, coupled with all the previous naggy “minor matters” that indicated his change from a loving boyfriend to a less caring one, the puzzles of our breakup and him getting together with her all finally clicked together. The fact that he cheated changed the whole narrative for me internally, and just today, I found out that he already has a baby girl with her. I honestly am still trying to digest my emotions as I’m all shocked and numb.

Everything is going so smoothly for both of them, their careers, relationships, finances, dreams are all fulfilled. He has a nice condo with her, a great car that he fetches her and his baby girl with everywhere, enough money to spend on everything else such as his rolex, secret lab chairs etc. All these while from 10 years ago, I was helping him to quit smoking and taking the train to meet him every single time, dined at hawker centres and coffeeshops so he doesn’t have to spend on me so he can save a little more for his own future each time. He had shared with me that he has always yearned the most for a baby girl to dote as his princess, and yep, his dream came true.

So here I am, reeling in from the shocking discovery of being cheated on 10 years ago, all these while loving him silently and from a distance for the past decade.

I’m still in the same place as I was when he left me so cruelly 10 years ago. No career, no money, no nothing at all. Just a very average plain Jane, with depression and anxiety disorders from all the pains.

Does karma really exist? Why is it that horrible human beings like them managed to do so well in life? Why?

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