They make you feel seen, noticed, accepted, and somehow safe to let your guard down. After nearly 10 years of having my guard up, pretty words and an attractive face allowed me to put aside my values, morals, and limitations to “PIAK PIAK” with a guy I had known since secondary school.
I allowed myself to become a “PIAK PIAK” partner to someone who didn’t feel the same and didn’t create this limitation until days later. My worried thinking lead me to believe I could handle “hanging out” while still respecting my limitations of completely sleeping with him.
I felt a feeling of safety and security in a way that I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt that. When he held me in his arms, I felt like nothing was wrong.
Had to stand by my limitations and values when he tells me he will sleep with someone else and plans to again break my heart. My heart aches to have let my guard down and be hurt by his actions and lack of communication.
My inner wounds from years ago have opened again and I find myself struggling with “Was I not good enough? Why couldn’t I be more of what he wanted so he will only “PIAK PIAK” with me?
What don’t I have that she does?” It will be a deep scar on my heart that will be harder to heal again.
Future outings with my friend group will be so difficult for me I feel sick thinking about it. I wish I had never said yes to him for taking me to his home. I wish I had kept to my standards and remembered my limitations and values so I could have the courage to say no. This is just continuing to show me that I shouldn’t trust men. All men are the same. They will pretend to care until they “PIAK PIAK” with you and then break up.
Maybe it’s on me for hoping something more would come out of it. Maybe this is a valuable lesson here that I can’t figure out yet through the hurt, why does this feel so painful?
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