Hi, I’ve read the comment. Yes, I do compare them this way, I won’t say my current bf is perfect neither do my ex. No one is perfect yes.
Firstly, I meet my bf twice a week and everytime we meet is either to his place or maybe once a month to meet his friend. When meeting his friends, usually I’ll just be using my phone as their convo I have no idea.
I can’t be pretending to join in and then talk rubbish. I’m not that thick skin and yes I’m kind of an introvert. I couldn’t think of how good he is as a bf as from how I feel is just going to his place, sleep, wake up go home continue sleep. As we don’t really have much time for each other.
Secondly, yep like how you’ve said it. It’s my stories, you don’t know what is their version to it. Well to be fair I have been with my ex for a year plus. From not staying with him to staying with him. There’s alot of things that are difficult to tell. My ex is more of controlling kind of a person. He’ll work and I’ll be at his place, I’ll be doing housework, washing clothes basically just like a housewife. I’m not able to leave his place as his trust issue is serious. Yes red flags. But every cents that he earned, he’ll bring me out to eat, bring me places that I’ve never been. He’s that kind of person where he have $100 he’ll give u $99.
Until the little one’s born. We slowly had alot alot more disagreement. He became more mentally and physically abusive. He scolded my dad who has passed before I’ve met him, he scolded my little one saying alot mean things. I could accept if he’s saying me but not her. I was carrying her in my arm and he hit me. That’s the reason why I left him, not cause I couldn’t find anyone to compare him with and it’s definitely not cause I have princess syndrome. Maybe I do have just that no one told me before. I’ve tried my best to be as understanding as possible. Even tho he’s like that but I still felt happy with him. I guess love is blind haha.
I’ve been thru so much at my age now. I’ve went thru so much that I feel like I’m mistreating myself. People my age having friends, going out enjoying life. Makeup, dress up. But I didn’t. I’m just like a 黄脸婆, yes I’ve made the decision to give birth so I have to suck it up. I’ll never regrets giving birth to her, she’s such a cute little angel. Sometimes I’m jealous of how other single mom could still do it. Still know how to make yourself pretty, where do you even get the money? And how do you even have the time to. I’m always wondering in my stupid world, I wanna be sisters with my girl. I wanna teach her how to dress up boost her confident, not like me. I don’t want her to live the way I live mine.
Thirdly, Im really sorry if my post did offended someone or in anyway. But I finally being able to find some where to spill it all out. Maybe I’m just tired, kind of. Trying to find a job, trying my best to earn money. end work need to take care of her even tho I’m really really exhausted, knowing that I don’t have much time with her. Meeting my bf till early morning, going home sleep abit more wake up continue take care of her. my ex kind of still stays in my brain doesn’t want to come out. Abit mentally torture but yes maybe it’s time to love myself more but I’m really afraid of being alone. I’m very scared of the feeling loneliness, when one really in a breakdown and dont know what to do at least there’s still my bf who I can message even tho he’ll just brush it off with something else. He’s not that kind of person who knows how to 安慰 people.
I do enjoy reading the comment as I’m able to get some idea on how should I deal with things differently. Sorry to have to post this as I really have got no one to talk to. Thank you so much for reading.