I (30F) just turned 30 this year, and it’s been quite a ride…
– Ended a 2-year relationship after getting burned out.
Backstory:
I met him on CMB and he was a year younger. I had been working for about 6 years. He had not graduated at that time, and I wanted a relationship.
Our first date saw him wearing a discoloured tee, unstyled hair, horrible acne that resulted in peeling of his skin (lip area looked almost like an open wound), bad breath, dusty shoes that were not worn for at least 3 months. I was not sure why I took a chance on him then, but I guess it was potential and a sincere heart.
I was patient to stick by for two years, but I taught him communication, exposed him to different social settings, taught him how to apologise to a girl, how to have his own goals and his own life, brought him to the gym (previously he jogged with socks at home, and used a stool as a dumbbell), took him out to walk around singapore, chided him to plan dates, gave ideas for activities we could do together, taught him to rollerblade, encouraged him to be kind to his family, taught him to invest, encouraged him to turn his hobby into a side hustle, taught him how to be assertive and less shy, amongst other things.
But I did feel tired and drained because I felt like I was leading a lot, and I didnt feel like i was growing on my end. I saw him get his first job, and his second and third job…
We broke up because we quarrelled and we couldnt get each other, and I had gone back on the dating app a couple of times (but did not keep it from him and was honest about it) because I felt like I had done all the chasing and deep down I wondered if he wanted this rls to work out as much as I did.
Every time I wanted to give up, I wanted to stop holding on and I thought meeting new people thru the dating app could distract me so that I would not keep holding on to the relationship that I felt drained by.
He felt betrayed after I showed him the chats on the dating app and became a “beast”, or so he calls it. He started working out a lot at the gym, started his own watch fixing side hustle, and aimed to become a professional engineer so he began to study really hard. He turned into a driven and goal-oriented man. Someone more assertive.
After some time, he wanted to start afresh and get back together, but was not the first to text me. I texted him first after a few weeks to remind him of a credit card promo collection. We started talking again and he started to tell me that his biceps were now 15cm, he was earning twice of his income, he had a business going on and he was working towards a solid high-paying career.
My heart died because spending the past 2 years with him felt like nothing. There was no appreciation of the time i spent advising him, shopping for his clothes, cooking for him, taking him out, trying new things with him, etc.
even after telling him how I felt, he came back to share the same things. He had many businesses, and that he was doing well, etc. i wondered if he appreciated what i had done and the time i spent with him.
– I still stay with my parents whom I cannot really be myself with. I always have to consider their feelings, and they don’t really connect with me. But I try my best to make them happy
– I am stuck in a job that I dislike, because my dad (who was violent when I was younger) wanted me to do something more stable instead of me pursuing my interests (which was design or communications at that time) I’ve been in the same industry since graduation for about 8 years now. But I try to be thankful nevertheless.
I’m not really in a good space emotionally so I would appreciate some tact in your advice and feedback, but whatever it is, I would appreciate some inputs and responses here.. Thank you.