I (28F) love my mother (56F) but she keeps giving unsolicited relationship advice despite not having a single relationship of hers work out. She is completely convinced that all of us kids are in horribly toxic relationships and gives us advice based off of that.
To her, my brother “Joe” (36M) shouldn’t marry his fiancee “Stella” (32F) because she’s lazy, has a bad attitude, and refuses to get a job.
Stella is an at-home caregiver for her 2 disabled grandparents and takes care of her step sister while her mom is at work, our mom is aware of this as she has been for years but is still convinced she just wants to live off Joe.
Mom also loves to ignore the fact that Stella got him to finally accept that his “best friend” was a piece of trash who was using him when he wouldn’t listen to any of us, mom included, telling him that for years.
She hates my boyfriend “Marcus” (39M). She tends to try to have us “learn from her mistakes” which either weren’t mistakes and people were just being human and she didn’t like that or they were real mistakes but they don’t apply to the situation for example; she’s convinced my Marcus is going to separate me from my family because her ex husband did that to her.
Marcus is the one who got me to repair my relationship with my mom and my sister because I missed them but was being stubborn. She also believes he’s emotionally manipulating to me, my therapist disagrees, and is trying to keep me from moving forward in life, he bought me a laptop for school because he knew I couldn’t afford a new one and was going to graduate late otherwise.
She mainly hates our age gap but says it didn’t matter when she’s had relationships with dudes much younger than her.
Joe and I were talking about our partners the other day at a small party/get together when mom came in and decided to once again give us the advice of ending our relationships.
We shut her down, as usual, but she kept trying to give us advice and tell us what’s wrong with our partners (psych diagnosis without any examples like narcissism). Joe told her to knock it off and she did for a bit but started back up later like she usually does.
I had enough and told her she has to stop trying to give us advice and when she asked why I told her that shes never had a healthy or successful relationship and so she can’t judge if ours are bad or not. She finally stopped
I feel a little bad but I’m so tired of her doing this and she was literally saying these things in front of our partners. We’ve told her to stop and Ive walked away from these conversations only for her to follow me into a different room or even out to my car. My family is pretty evenly split on if it was justified or if i am an AH.