Marriage is just a piece of paper or is it not?
I met this guy. He was perfect. He checked all the boxes of being an eligible bachelor. It was love at first sight for the both of us. We met each other at a friend’s party and got together soon after.
A few months into the relationship we started to talk about us. He felt he is not marriage or kids material but he loves me a lot and can see a future with me. He was very clear about this and wanted me to understand before we continue. At that time he also suggested that we get a place together. Eventually he ended up getting a place on his own and I moved in with him. He told me I need not pay anything but I contributed by paying some of the bills and minor house expenses. I felt I was very much in love with him that a part of me believe I can forsake marriage as long as we are happy together. Besides I dislike children myself.
We are not married but we lived like a married couple. We cook for each other, did chores, managed the bills, visited each other’s parents and we did everything together. I thought we had the perfect life. We lived like we are married and yet we have the time to date each other. I was envied by friends who witnessed our love. He still buys me flowers and gifts on special days like anniversaries, after being together for 10 years.
The final few months of our relationship I sensed his increasing distance. I convinced myself we are just busy with work and other things. He was out more, he stopped telling me about his day. It got to a point I felt we were like roommates living under the same roof. Then he told me he met someone. He needed me to move out because the other woman wants to move in.
I haven’t had time to compose myself and react to this utter betrayal and I had to pack up. 10 years meant nothing to him?.. I moved back to my parents and lied to them that his place is under construction.
I haven’t even had time to process my anger and grief then I heard he had a vehicle accident. His parents wasn’t aware that we broke up so I was called first. I found out he was severely injured that his life won’t be the same forever. The other woman didn’t hesitate to dump him after seeing his condition.
Since his parents didn’t know we had broken up, I choose to pretend I’m still his gf and stayed with him at the hospital. I took over most of the caregivers job because he was so helpless. I stayed over at his place often and took care of him for a while. He couldn’t carry on with his current job anymore so he had to settle for a simpler job which pays lesser. The lucky thing is he had almost paid off the house so he didn’t need to downgrade.
He had been needy towards me since the accident. I can understand that. How can I not feel for him? We did have a lot of happy times till this happened. I continued being there for him as he needed a lot of help and support. One day he asked me if I wanted to get married. I realised this was what I wanted all along. But not like this. I said no and realised it is time to leave him. I didn’t want to take care of him anymore. So I left.
Now, I’m already past the age of having kids safely. I did try to move on. I tried to date but without much success. I met 2 who were quite persistent in chasing me. But none interest me or can even compare to him. I’ve got my own place during the time I was taking care of him. I think a part of me already know I won’t get back together with him. I just needed a push to move on with my own life. Did I regret not getting married when I was younger? Definitely. I may have lived a very different life if I walked away the moment he told me he is not marriage material. If he cheated while we are married maybe he wouldn’t have got hurt because I may not have moved out so easily.
Without a marriage certificate, it’s very easy to walk away when things happen. So what kind of a person did I wanted to be? One who walks away or one who stays because of a piece of paper?