I’ve (22M) been married to my wife (26F) for a year, and I’m still a virgin. What do I do here?
I’m not sure if this is the right place for this or not, so I apologise if it isn’t.
My (22M) wife (26F) and I got married in February of last year (2021). We had a small ceremony due to Covid and our Honeymoon was cancelled due to the same issues.
We’d been dating for 4 years prior to getting married and in that time we haven’t had intercourse or anything close to it. We’ve kissed and cuddled and things like that (all good and I like doing that) but we’ve never done anything…more. She told me that she was waiting for marriage, which is fine and I was happy with that as I have always thought that we’d get married.
Fast forward to the wedding day and I’m am about to explode from excitement. Firstly, I’m marrying the woman of my dreams. Secondly, we finally get to have intimate time! The wedding itself was really nice, pretty basic in a small chapel, close family only, then back to her parents house for a meal. We then went back to my wife’s house and I was ready for it, but she said she was too tired after a long day. No problem, what’s one more day? I wake up the next morning and she’s gone out already, no idea what time she left, and just a note on the fridge.
That was almost a year ago. Every time I’ve tried to broach the subject she’s either too tired, upset, not in the mood, or some variation of it. She’s called me obsessed as I was asking most days at one point, but how can I be obsessed if I’ve never had it? I’ve taken her on romantic date nights and as soon as I mention about us getting naughty, she’s “put off” because it should be “spontaneous”. So I tried spontaneously engaging, but she accused me of attempting to rape her if she didn’t give consent prior. I’m so confused.
I’ve grown closer with one of her friends over the last few years (I’m also good friends with her younger brother) and I was out for a coffee with her during the week and she asked how the bedroom life was going (something she talks about with reference to herself, but I often deflect when she asks about my experiences). When I confessed that we had never done anything she was really shocked. I thought “who wouldn’t be shocked about a married couple where they’re both still virgins?” but no, she was shocked because her friend, my wife, was incredibly promiscuous before she met me and has done all sorts of things with all kinds of different people. She estimates at least 14 lovers that she knows about.
This has left me even more confused. Am I just undesirable? Why did she marry me if I’m not attractive? I waited 4 years to get married and sleep with the woman that I love, and now I’m still waiting! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.