I am in my early 30s. Went for a career switch programme 5 years ago.
Graduated 2 years later. Got married, got a house, gave birth to a lovable daughter. Wanted to further my studies for a degree a year after my diploma but I got pregnant instead.
So waited until she was 2(now), so basically, my cert is 3 years old already.
I told my husband I wanted to study again. He was hesitant at first but he agreed. I told him I was accepted in NUS and my classes are in the evening, studying part time while working full time. After a month of school, he expressed that he cannot handle the stress of being with our daughter alone.
He needs me around and he’d rather I stopped schooling until she’s older. I have 3 years of school. Only went through 1 freaking semester.
I told him I can’t quit, I just started and it’s not as if I have not been helping out. During the days I have zoom classes, I will do it while my daughter is on my lap. The only days he has to handle her alone is when I am on campus and it’s 3 hours of school. Husband is easily stressed as a person. He has anxiety attacks whenever I am not around, super introvert person while I am a total opposite.
I am upset that he is not fully on board with me schooling again. He told me if we do not have a daughter, he will be happy for me but now, he can’t and I can’t be mad at him for expressing himself cause that is what he feels and he wants to share it with me.
I am conflicted ???
Here are what netizens think:
- Let’s imagine a woman said – “I have diagnosed anxiety disorder, I work 9-5, when I come home, I’m left with working, household maintenance and taking care of the baby alone because my husband decided he was going for evening classes. I can’t handle it & I feel alone in this”. Would you say mother up? Woman up? Double standards. They both are hurting, they need help. Yes, her dream is to get her NUS cert. Doesn’t he have things he wants too? Both their feelings are valid. It might take creative solutions but I believe this is workable, OP. Find a compromise with your husband, but don’t give in either. Hang in there.
- Helpers, Neighbours, family or friends? U are not alone. Dun force hubby if he can’t do it, adding strain to your marriage. I assume it’s nite classes since u didn’t mention. U can get him to pick her up later if using nanny so tat they still have some short bonding time together but dun come with so much stress and maybe danger. Cheaper too, since it’s just for a few hours for a few days every week.
- Totally feel you. Same experience and similar character spouse with outgoinig personality wife. Hi five!
- I studied part time 3 times over the course of my career. The last 2 was done with either one or two kids. In between, my wife changed jobs which requires her to travel a couple of times, each time 2 weeks or more. So we both have our share of ‘alone time’ with babies.