My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years (both age 30s) and due to be married in 3 months. We live together, and have known each other more than 10 years.
I have always been clear that I do not want to be with a partner who takes alcohol. I have never tried anything more than alcohol, and drink only on special occasions a few times a year (weddings, birthdays.) I have a history of addiction in my family, and have seen the effects, so always knew I wanted to be with someone who did not take alcohol. I know my partner has drink alot in his early 20s in poly prior to our relationship becoming serious, but he promised me that he had quit when I told him I was not okay with being someone who takes alcohol like a daily dose of vitamins C.
A neighbour came to our unit this morning as they had found my fiancé’s phone in their plants (they asked if they were his because the car brand of the key matched the car), and my fiancé told me that he took a few drinks last night at a friend’s house while I was at work. He can’t remember what happened after that, or how his belongings ended up there?
I am devastated. Firstly, my fiancé knows where I stand with alcohol use. Secondly, we have just moved into this house together and I am so embarrassed at how my neighbours may look at us now. We have never met these neighbours before.
Our wedding is in 3 months, and we were planning on having a child fairly soon after this. I am not okay with alcohol use in a partner. My partner does not take alcohol at all previously or he has kept it from me, and is very apologetic about his actions, saying he won’t do it again.
I don’t know if I can trust him on this, and feel like we have different views on alcohol use that is incompatible. I understand everyone has their own limits, but I feel this is a dealbreaker for me.
I am thinking of breaking up, but wanted to get advice on if we can move forward from this?