Husband still finds my body DISGUSTING so I asked for a Divorce.
I just need to write here because I feel like I’m going insane.
To start with the beginning, I ( 30f ) met my husband ( 35m ) 8 years ago and were married for 5 years. I pursued him at the beginning, but then he pursued me back and we started dating. Our relationship was not perfect, but we enjoyed each other company. We do not have any kids. I make more money than him, we live in my apartment. We’re saving money to buy a house.
The issue: During our dating period and marriage my husband expressed disgust for my body. It started with just disgusted glances ( which I ignored ) and then it evolved into comments and suggestions about my diet, jabs at my body etc. I cannot include a link, but my body looks very similar to Selena Gomez now body.
Not fat, not thin, just not a supermodel. I know that my body is not toned and does not look the best, but it never changed during our relationship. He met me this way, I did not gain any weight. He also complained that I do not look polished and don’t take care of myself, but I was the same when he met me. I never used a lot of makeup, do not wear high heels/elegant clothing or fancy hairstyles. At the beginning of our relationship, he always said that he preferred natural girls that look like me.
We always fought when he criticized my looks, because it was a big insecurity of mine ( because of other people ). I never considered myself ugly, but had some issues in the past with boys that made me feel unwanted and unattractive so I was determined to find a guy that will love me for who I am. And I thought that I found him when I met my husband. Now you can imagine the heartbreak when he started to ask for these changes.
Last week we were having a chat about body image and he mentioned again my body. So I confronted him and he admitted it and said that he is STILL disgusted by my body and doesn’t understand why I don’t want to make an effort and change how he asked. I would’ve done it if I was like that in the beginning, but I wasn’t.
My heart sunk, because it all became real. I couldn’t run from reality anymore. He is really DISGUSTED. I sometimes ignored his glances and comments, but this time I couldn’t ignore anymore. I asked for a divorce. I never imagined that we will divorce because almost everything was resolvable in my head. Even cheating ( he never cheated, neither did I ). But this is something that just killed me.
He did not take me seriously at the beginning, because we always made up quickly. But I’m serious and I never mentioned the word Divorce until now. I asked him to move out and he is dragging it out. Not even once since then has he apologized. He doesn’t understand what he did wrong and is still in denial. No remorse, nothing. I’m flabbergasted. I wasted 8 years for this.
Some people from the previous post accused me of being selfish to divorce over such a superficial motive. He also accused me of being selfish and dramatic. Am I being selfish? I feel like my head is continually spinning. I feel very hurt and my self esteem is destroyed. I haven’t slept in 3 days. I feel unwanted and disgusting.
I apologize for such a long rant, I just don’t have anyone to talk to until I start therapy. Every opinion or similar experience it’s welcome. Thanks for listening.