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Wednesday, September 27, 2023


To married females, how do you cope with the mentality of leaving your parents and starting your own family?


I’m a 26F soon to married and come from a closely knitted family, how do you guys cope with the adjustments? Even though I’m not the only child, I tend to worry about how my parents will cope once I leave the house, I have one sibling that is staying with my parents but somehow my parents trusted me more than my siblings that for any matter, they will check directly with me instead of my sibling.

I do feel bad for moving out and getting married, leaving my parents behind.

My new house is in the west area same as my parents around 8km, it’s a 15 mins drive, but 40 mins via public transport via door to door. To my parents, the distance is considered too far which they had brought it up with me before, however, my bf wanted to have a distance between our new home and my parents home. I’m actually stuck in between. On one end, I understand my parents wanted us to be as near to them as possible, on the other hand, my bf and in-laws are all moving over from the East. And this is the best distance that my bf could compromise. Is 8km really too far or is this a just nice distance?

I will wish to go back to my parents house preferably twice a week. But with kids, would this twice a week be possible?


Here are what netizens think:

  • SG is indeed small. I stay in Clementi after I got married, my parents stay in Tampines. We are also close knitted. Before kids, I head over once to twice a week for dinner with my brother and sis in law. Did the same during pregnancy, and now with a kid. No distance is too far if you are willing to accomadate.

W- ait wait…. Your in-laws are moving over = they are going to stay with you? And yet your bf expects you to keep a distance from your own parents? And still say 8km is a “compromise”?If my understanding above is correct, idk why you are marrying such a guy in the first place and why you are even giving in to such demands. The issue isn’t whether 8km is far or whether your parents can cope. Your bf’s mindset and attitude, and you giving in, is the problem.

  • I reckon your parents will be fine. They will just take care of themselves like how they always have taken care of themselves, without the kids in tow. My siblings and i have not lived with our parents for >5 years since all of us kids are now overseas. We do check in with them from time to time. But otherwise, they’re happy to be not having to check on us all the time, less worries for people at their age. But i’m sure they’ll be happy when you do surprise visits from time to time. 40 minutes isn’t that long.. compared to having to fly from a different country to visit one’s parents. See it as a privilege, not as a chore.
  • unless your parents are very old, requires support and care, i think time for them to let go and you to have your own life. i left home KL for SG at 21 years old, live alone with no relative and no friends. i survived, so did my parents and my siblings. this is part of growing up and we are also a very tight knitted family. now i already have kids in SG, and started to have my little community here. 8km is nothing, just take a grab if public commute is too long. surely 2 times of grab taxi is nothing to missing your family.
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