I’ve already been divorced once.
My first marriage was emotionally abusive. I fell hard and fast for my now-husband, and now I see that I ignored many red flags.
My husband has changed since we got married. (Even since we moved in together…. We dated for a year before living together.) I feel like our major issues started when I caught him messaging other women…. Nothing overly dirty but definitely flirty, suggesting they “hang out” and sending heart-eye emojis etc.
Before this, I trusted him completely. It broke my heart and I still haven’t gotten over it.
Now I’ve caught him lying to me several times about drugs, I believe his drug use is escalating although I don’t really have proof.
Lately, he has been increasingly distant. He doesn’t like to do things with me. I can’t even ask him to sit and watch tv with me unless he is in the right mood. He is obsessive about chores and puts them (along with everything else) over spending time with me.
We each have kids, but he doesn’t really function as part of a family. He wears his headphones around the house to the extent that I can’t just have a casual conversation with him.
Lately, we have been fighting because I will try to talk to him about our issues and how I am feeling, and he flips out. He starts yelling, talking fast, just making no sense. I can’t get a word in edgewise.
I get desperate when he starts acting like this, I know that isn’t good but I just want things to calm down and be normal. I will be sitting there crying and begging him to lie down with me and he does not care. He leaves the house even though I have confided in him that this is a major trigger for me. If he would talk to me like an adult and just say, “give me some time to calm down and we can talk” it would be a different story.
I know I need to handle my reactions better but I cannot understand how you can see someone you love crying on the floor and have no empathy.
I’m so miserable. I cry over him every day. I don’t know if I can handle another divorce. This hurts more than my first marriage because after a while, I hated my first husband. I still love my husband, so so much. I just want him back.
At the same time, I feel so stupid for putting myself back in this position.
The only saving grace is that I finally opened up to my best girlfriend about what is going on, and she is an amazing support. It feels better that this is not a secret.
Notes: Now I know how men feel when women don’t want to communicate.