My boyfriend admitted he hasn’t proposed because I’m fat.
I (26f) and my partner (26m) have been together for 5 years. It should be noted that I am overweight, and I was when we met.
Over the last couple of years, I gained more weight due to chronic illness and mental heath issues. I have been working to lose weight and even seeking help from doctors for weight loss meds/surgery because my illness makes it nearly impossible to lose weight on my own.
This has really affected my mental health and is a big reason for it worsening. However, he always made it a point to reassure me that he supports me and loves me either way and loves my body.
Well, around 2.5 years, I started dropping hints that I wanted to get engaged (like sending pics of rings). By 3 years, I was actually saying that we should get married straight to his face.
It ended up becoming a cute thing between us, and I would say it multiple times a day as another way to say, “I love you.”
After the 4 year mark, I started getting a little upset that he hadn’t proposed. Every time I asked, he would say things like, he doesn’t have the money to buy a proper ring or that he wants to do it the “right” way.
Understandable. Besides, I’m willing to wait for the one I love. Over the past few months, I noticed him starting to get a little agitated when I would say my usual phrase, “Hey, we should get married.”
So, I slowly started to stop saying it to avoid having my feelings hurt. Our 5 year anniversary was coming up, and it was painfully obvious that he had no plans to propose anyway.
Recently, I hit a wall with my mental health. It’s gotten to the point that it has been severely affecting my work/home life. I knew I had to do something, so I called out of work for a couple of days when at my worst and spoke with my doctor and therapist to create a plan.
On one of those days, he hit me with the question, “How committed are you to actually losing weight?” Which was followed by, “Not that there’s anything wrong with the way you look, but I don’t want to get married to someone who is going to develop health issues and die like 10 years down the road.”
It felt like a train hit me. My lungs stiffened. I could feel the tears welling up as I tried my hardest to push them back, but it was too late.
I was already sobbing uncontrollably. After about 10 minutes of him consolling me, I was able to calm down enough to say that now wasn’t really a good time to talk about this until I get a grip and we could revisit the topic. I then proceeded to sit outside and cry for what felt like an eternity.
I honestly feel devastated. All my fears were confirmed in an instant. How could someone love a mess like me? I feel like I have no right to be upset because he is right. It’s not fair to him that the person he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with is likely to die young unless they lose weight.
I just can’t help but feel like he was being inconsiderate in the moment when he knew I was really struggling. I also can’t help but be distant now, which makes me feel even more like a villain when I know it came from a genuine place in his heart, even if he just approached it wrong.