My bf jerks off to photos and videos of his dead wife and it makes me insecure and sad really, and I don’t know how to approach a man who is still grieving/if I should say anything at all.
I’m feeling mixed feelings. As the title suggests I (35F) have been dating a widower (52M), we are serious, bought a house together, mesh well, and are adventurous in bed the entire thing.
Like I mentioned he is 52 and he tends to like a particular kind of “videos” of a certain generation. Stretchy shiny outfits that stay on throughout the video, you get the gist.
His now deceased wife fits these criteria closely and I know he uses their old videos from time to time, and I can’t help feeling oddly creeped out by it/insecure, but I also feel like I don’t have any right to be upset.
Had this been an ex, I feel it gets deleted when the relationship does unless someone consents to you keeping it, but this is his dead wife, whom he loved dearly and had intimacy with for nearly 20 years.
For context she died 14 months ago from a rare aggressive cancer that went from diagnosis to death in 5 months; her last wish was that he let someone in again as he is a strong, stoic loner.
She is still the screen saver on his phone, his WhatsApp photo is still one of their old photos, I see and compliment his wedding photos that are still around the house, I am well aware and have made peace as much as I can given the current situation.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Do I keep my mouth shut and just file it away in the petty folder? Thanks immensely!