I ignored bil leers and pervert vibes for the first few years.The thing is he didn’t just look, he also brushed or bumped into me, always the sensitive areas. For a while I thought it was accidents.
Once when we were alone (not by my choice), he groped me several times while I was busy with my baby, pretending that I was in the way.
I finally realised what he’s been doing all along. My fil never accidentally bump into me so I never had uncomfortable vibes with fil. And bil never bump into me when his wife is looking. The realization bil had been doing it on purpose all this while made me sick with rage. Fyi, I was never attracted to bil. So there is no way I sent any signal that I wanted to be touched.
My husband tried to downplay and ignore it until I no longer tell my husband anymore. It damaged my marriage tremendously. My husband downplayed until he thought I must have misunderstood or it was a one time accident.
Gradually I start to reduce and avoid meetings. I didn’t let my kids go without me should my bil gets a chance to touch my kids too. I lost a lot of weight over the next few years as times when we still have to gather I was brushed or bumped again but a few times I managed to block him or elbowed him off. I really dreaded being in the same room with him. I don’t look at him in the eye when he talks nor do I give him any respect when he’s around. I think others noticed I am very cold towards bil.
My mil even asked a few times over the years if things are ok because I was very distant as time past and I lost so much weight.
The final time my bil swiped my body area, I could no longer hide it anymore.
I told my husband for the final time. He tried to downplay it again then for the first time, I asked for a divorce. That’s when my husband woke up and decided to support me 100%. My husband finally accepted what happened to me.
When I told my mil they believed me and didn’t doubt what I said. I told them, as my children grow, I fear my children will be molested by bil. They know their own child and said nothing to counter my words. They told me even when he reach his death bed, he will deny touching me. So no point talking to him, he will never admit it.
Of course my bil denied everything and accused me, saying I was crazy and that I was the one who was attracted to him. Even claimed I tried to seduce him. No one sided him.
I did finally cut bil out from my life, sought therapy and I am much better than before. But at what cost? My husband does not talk to him anymore nor does my bil is brave enough to face my husband. My mil and fil are heart broken there is no more happy reunions. Chinese new year and birthdays are filled with sadness. My fil is very conscious in how he behaves with me and the children. My fil doesn’t hug my children anymore, maybe worried I am sensitive to my children being touched in anyway.
I hope you will never reach such a situation similar like me. I was conflicted that I broke my husband’s family and at the same time I know the touching will not stop. So many times I wished I had put an end to it right from the very beginning. But I cannot change the past. I can only change the future. I don’t care for people who say I deserve it because I did nothing to stop it. How to stop it? Not everyone is strong willed and perfect. I’ve gone through stages of denial, confusion, anger, and it took years to finally have the courage to put an end to it.
I hope you can change your future. Try whatever means you can to stop this leering from your fil before it escalates to something else. Don’t end up like me. It almost ruined my everything.
To people who think this is joke, I wish this never happen to you or anyone close to you. This can destroy many lives. Try being the wife of a man others accused of being a molester. Try being the one who voiced out a family member close to you had been touching you inappropriately. Try being told that the brother you grew up with had been molesting your wife. Try watching your adult children never see or speak to each other again.