I’m (28F) posting here (using my husband’s account) in the hopes of seeking some advice on how to continue with my life when everything feels beyond salvation. It’s going to be a long ride, so I hope you’ll bear with me, but I’ll put a TL;DR at the end too.
Housing issues
I’m currently waiting for a BTO (Nov 2020 launch) which is slated to be done mid-2025. Due to space constraints and familial relations, I cannot stay at my house nor my in-laws’ house. I had been shuttling between my house and my in-laws’ house since 2022, but I can no longer stay at my house for reasons I will explain in point 2. My husband’s room is way too small to fit 2 people, and there isn’t enough space for my things on top of his.
My husband and I had been trying to apply for PPHS since our marriage in 2022 but always got rejected, probably since we don’t have kids. But who would want to have a kid when they don’t even have a place to stay?
I do not feel comfortable with the idea of renting from others due to me being a lone female tenant, along with the exorbitant (and imo, unreasonable) rental rates. I don’t earn enough to comfortably rent a place, and I’m trying as much as possible to save for my upcoming BTO.
Mental health
My mental health has been rapidly deteriorating since I started work and became aware of how toxic my parents were.
Being accustomed to their ways, I did not realise their toxicity, and only after talking to my friends and husband did I realise that their behaviour was not normal. Some examples of what my mom does would be: constantly comparing me to her friends’ and relatives’ kids, insulting me whenever we meet strangers (like talking about how I’m so fat and unfashionable to clothes salespeople), putting down all my work grievances as me just being too weak to handle it, and repeatedly invading my private space. My dad has attitude problems which make him very insufferable to be around, like giving all my friends a black face whenever they visit.
I’m an only child, which people always associate with being spoilt. But the truth is, I was independent since I started working right after poly. I never asked my parents for anything, and I paid my uni tuition fees all by myself. My greatest flaw was being at home and having emotions, I suppose.
Anyway, my mom and I had a HUGE fight after I found out she threw out my clothes without my knowledge, which has left me homeless. This was about a month ago.
I’m currently crashing at my friend’s house, and she’s been extremely welcoming and understanding, but I know this is not a solution.
My mom and I are still not on talking terms. Reconciliation does not seem possible at the moment knowing her pride and how fearful and anxious I get at the thought of speaking to her.
After this incident, I instantly sought help from Clarity, but it’ll take them 6 to 8 weeks to get back to me. It’s been 4 weeks since then, and every day has passed with me feeling more and more hollow and hopeless. I have so many thoughts of wanting to off myself just so I don’t have to deal with anything anymore.
There are other smaller things which do not seem grave enough to warrant a whole point by themselves, but all of them are an added stressor as well. To list some of them out briefly, they are: financial strain, job woes, physical health issues, and difficulty maintaining my hobbies.
My mind is running 24/7 from all these worries. I don’t sleep well, and I’m absolutely exhausted. What should I do?
TL;DR – I’m homeless, riddled with problems and waiting for therapy while trying to stay afloat. I can’t see any solution in the near future, and I don’t know what other avenues of help are available.