Please I need some advice…
So I’m in my early-30s, and got married and moved out just recently. I have no kids at the moment and both my husband and I are working office jobs.
There comes the problem, my mom. She doesn’t live with us, but we do live quite near I guess?? 2 mrt stops away. She came to visit us a few times before, and most of it ends up with both of us frustrated and angry.
Firstly I would like to say that our relationship be4 I moved out was alright, I mean okok not super close but ok. So after I moved out sometimes I still visit her.
Initially when she said she wanted to come to my house, I was like quite happy you know, can show her around etcetc. Then nope, she was criticising about how the floor was not clean enough, scolding me when she saw even a strand of hair anywhere and telling me to control my hair (like wtf how am I supposed to do that), and then when she say junk food and instant noodles she was like ‘you alrdy so fat now you want the whole family to die issit’.
She always say I’m fat and this hurts alot, fyi my bmi is 20, is that overweight?? And people ask me why my self-esteem is so low. Until now in my 30s I’m still only wearing baggy clothes, never once wearing anything remotely showing the shape of my body, cos I grew up not liking it.
And then ofc we argued, that the cleanliness of my house is not up to her standard (she can spend the whole day cleaning), that I’m feeding my family junk food, that I’m eating too much, that it is due to my negligence that I have hair on the floor.
Then the next time she came, I thought it will be ok since I tried to vacuum before she came (and hide the junk food) and I really wanted to mend our relationship. But unfortunately, the same thing happened. No matter what I do she is unhappy, that I can never keep the house as clean as hers and I’m forever a fatass. I’m so tired that I really don’t want her to come by anymore.
I find it a struggle to take her out also, I tried once, and she was criticizing my food choices as always. When I was living w her I had to lie about my food choices to prevent scolding, if she ever knew that I went to kbbq or drank bbt I would have literally died. I know she means well, but only occasionally also cant enjoy, then what’s the pt of living?? Might as well go be a monk.
She will tell me to eat the same portions as her, like half a bowl of rice, and scold me when I get bbt or fried food or anything that serves slightly bigger portion than hers. Once in a while, also cannot eat. And I ended up hungry after gg to ‘lunch’ w her. I only ate half plate of beehoon and 2 spoon of vege btw (she said it was the perfect size for a meal).
She dont understand, she thinks that I should eat the same amount as someone in their 60s, that my caloric/nutrition needs are same as those of an elderly.
I feel so tired eating with her or even gg out. Lucky I moved out so I can cook maggie at home when I feel lazy or just crave for it. If I were still living with her, no junk food will be allowed. Maggie, potato chips, bbt??? Totally out of the qn, cant even eat once.
Anyone has the same type of parent here can advise?? Anything I can do or what? Or this relationship will continue to suck, since it is very unlikely to change her mindset. This is more of a rant anw…