Me and this guy (35F and 23M) had been dating for almost a year now. I didn’t tell him that I had a 9 year old son at first, because I thought it might be a turn off initially, and that he might feel burdened because he’d feel he had some kind of responsibility he wasn’t ready for.
He’s still really young, and I didn’t want him to think I’d expect him to be some kind of father figure immediately. Of course I wasn’t going to keep this from him for much longer, I’d actually considered telling him already but it just never seemed like it was the right moment. I was able to keep it from him because my son mostly lives with his dad, and I was able to coordinate the time I spend with him without it clashing with when I see my boyfriend. We usually prefer to go out, but when he does come over I try to hide all traces of my son, which I know seems very over the top but again, I was going to tell him when the time was right.
He ended up finding out when I had taken a nap on his couch and I left my phone on the coffee table.
He saw a text from my ex that asked if I could pick our son up from his grandparent’s house instead of him driving him to my place. He thought at first that it was my brother asking me to pick up my nephew (he has the same name as my ex), and just casually told me that my brother had texted me.
I told him that it was actually my son and he was understandably shocked. He didn’t seem too happy that I had kept it from him. I told him I waited a bit to tell him because I didn’t want him to feel pressured, and that I was going to tell him soon anyway. I also don’t think one year is that long for a relationship, and that there are bound to be things that we still don’t know about each other.
Is it really that bad that I waited a bit before telling him about my son?
Here are what netizens think:
- She was so close to getting it right, it’s infuriating. If she had just had a conversation and told her boyfriend that she had a son but wasn’t looking for a dad, you’re not going to meet him for a long time, etc. everything would have been fine. Instead she lied.
- I can understand not introducing him to the kid until it’s serious but not telling him you have one?? Unless the kid was totally out of her life and there was some traumatic story involved there’s no excuse.
- 34 and 22 is a gross age gap no matter the gender make up.