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Monday, November 29, 2021

25 Y.O WOMAN CONTROLLED BY MOM, EVEN CHOOSES HER HAIRSTYLE

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A 25-year-old woman shared how she is being controlled by her parents – she is living with her parents and they demand her to tell them where she goes, who she meets, and what time she returns home.

Her parents even choose what hairstyles she gets when she goes for a haircut.

Here is the story:

“I feel like I don’t have any control over my own life.

I am a 25 F, who still lives at home with my parents, like many others. Growing up, my mum is very strict + loving to me, which in combination turned me into a people pleaser + no backbone.

Before going out, I need to tell her where I’m going, who I’m meeting, when I’ll be home etc. I don’t have a copy of the house keys either.

I know I may sound spoilt to some but this level of micromanagement is really driving me insane. Got my hair cut recently and mum fave me the illusion of control, allowing me to pick my own hairstyle for the first time ever, wow I know.

I picked it and I showed it to her, she gave an expression and said nothing. When I entered the shop, she showed the stylist her photo instead. I had a small disagreement with her and she basically used the 苦肉计(pity card) on me and I just swayed because I don’t like to fight with her.

I used to have bad skin, like really bad and my mum brought me to all sorts of doctors. I really hated it because these doctors would get super close to my face and stare.

They say, “yours very bad eh” or like, “I think yours is considered moderate to severe” just to sell products. (For context: I never had cystic acne, just small red spots all around my forehead and cheeks) It was my biggest insecurity.

I wouldn’t have cared if not for my mum pinpointing it all the time. “Your skin is getting worse ah” or “Recently why your skin like dat?” But now, I am comfortable and happy with my skin, I accept that it will never be perfect like hers.

I learned not to panic every time I break out because of work stress or when my period is approaching. I just ride the wave you know?

But my mum said, “why not I bring you to a new doctor. A lot of people say good one”. I started to cry because I didn’t want to relive that experience.

The last time I went, I had such a bad skin reaction to the oral meds they gave me that I had to wear a mask to classes, and this was pre covid… I explained to her but she wouldn’t budge.

She continued to talk, saying that this one is different (how would she know?) She said I was being ridiculous and dramatic, oversensitive. And then she went ahead to book an appointment for me and told me after the fact.

Tired, I just said okay. I was complaining to my mum that I have noticed subtle changes to my body.

I was sharing with her that I read that as you pass 25, your body goes through another small shift, almost like gearing up for motherhood. I told her I am a bit not used to the small changes like my hips are a bit wider even though I didn’t gain any weight (I am 40+kg).

She started to say that I should work out and that that would solve the problem. I then explained I wasn’t looking for a solution, I am not fat, just not used to my new body, but she keeps cutting me off to say that I should join her for her gym runs and stuff.

I told her that’s not what I meant, I have lost weight in fact but my hips are just wider, and she just doesn’t let me finish. I told her I didn’t want to work out with her because if I did, I wanted to do so alone and she had this hurt look and that made me feel bad.

I just don’t like her telling me how I am not pretty enough, or like not doing things right or like just being in my space for even longer periods of time yk? (Oh and she uses different IG influencers as a reference as to why I should start a more rigorous workout regime, which is fair, but if I were to work out, I want to do it for myself, not because she told me to. I know that with any improvements, the credit would be attributed to her)

Might be because I am the only child and I was raised to never talk back to her. Now I find myself internally struggling more and more to suppress my tone and words.

Truth is, I owe her, right? Still living under her roof, she paid for my everything, she loves me.

She always says “I want what’s best for you” and part of it is “I want to make you prettier because you are supposed to be at your peak now at this age”.

It feels like she isn’t satisfied with my looks, skin nor body. And after spending years trying to overcome those self-deprecating voices in my head (that I have realized now were put in by my mother, the person who loves me the most), I can feel myself being shoved backward.

Whenever I speak my mind, and I say something against her, she passively accuses me of twisting her intentions, that all she wants is what’s good for me.

She never called me ugly, but I tell her that she makes me FEEL ugly. She says that I should appreciate her more because not all mothers would pay for aesthetic treatments for their kids and that I was ungrateful.

I’m tired and tbh, I know that the advice would be to move out / get married/speak my mind anyway/argue with her I think I am just venting here lol.

I love her too much to ever contemplate leaving or ruining our relationship (she believes me moving out without getting married = me not being filial)

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