Is there something wrong with me for being happy alone? Am I selfish?
Is there something wrong with me? I’m happy but I can’t help but wonder if I’m wasting my life? Or if I am a bad son?
I’m 36 years old, only child from an upper middle class family, went to ACS, and after NS, studied computer sciences in the US eventually getting a graduate degree in machine learning and working for several years in Silicon Valley.
Then my grandfather died several years ago and left me a condo on Orchard Road and I moved back to Singapore.
Since then, I’ve lived like a hermit. I work from home (even before COVID) about 25 hours per week for an MNC. I don’t need to go to the office, I check in briefly with my boss once every two weeks online, I rarely have Zoom meetings.
I have essentially zero friends having lost touch with my everyone when I went to the States. In any case they’re now mostly married and/or on a career ladder with little time for much else.
My life consists of working when I want, eating and sleeping when I want (I have weird sleep habits), watching TV and movies, playing online games.
I enjoy cooking and eating so I set up an awesome kitchen and I teach myself recipes from around the world. If I don’t cook, I walk to a food court or even a nice restaurant nearby.
I’m sedentary but in great shape because I exercise daily in the gym and pool. I collect wine and recently even joined a private wine club on Orchard Road where I go occasionally … by myself… or sometimes with an escort.
I’m not interested in having a girlfriend or wife so yah, I hire escorts for that part of my life. Usually different ones, although I have a few regulars. I like the lack of complication.
My salary easily covers my expenses and the rest I put into ETFs for when I’m old and alone (as opposed to young and alone).
I have a car that I should probably get rid of it. I only use it to drive to my parent’s house for dinner once per week.
They’re in their sixties, still healthy and we get along well. I’m pretty sure they would like me to get married and give them grandchildren, but they don’t nag me although and we don’t talk about it.
I’m content (I think) but I can’t help but wonder if this selfishness is wrong. Should I do more with my life? Should I try to make friends and settle down with someone? Or can I keep doing this till I die?