Are friendships really superficial and there only for the good times?
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F44 here. Have been trying to cultivate meaningful and real friendships where we can all be there for each other during good and bad times.
However I have found friends to be superficial and only there for the good times. Many times I tried to be kind and helpful, but once I was no longer of any use to them, these friends would stop contacting me.
Someone told me that I should make friends only on the surface so that I protect my heart. And recently a friend told me that people only socialise to have a good time.
Is this really true of friendships? I am beginning to think true friendships and caring friends are really not true…
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Netizens’ comments
- True friendships are rare.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have a true friend that will stick by you through rough times.
As we get older it’s even harder to establish true friendships.. - There is experience and wisdom in what your friend said about keeping it at surface level only.
For a long time I’ve been looking for deep and lasting friendships. But most of the time, people come and go. Extremely rare are those that stick around with me. So many times I’ve been deeply hurt by abandonment. So to really protect my heart and emotions from further scarring, I keep reminding myself to be wise. Take small careful steps to whoever might also share the same beliefs as me where making lasting relationships count.
53M here. - Friendships are nurtured and it’s a two way street. That said, being really selective on who your tribe is super important. Have friends who will literally not think twice to take a day off and support.
- I still believe in friendships but I also believe life gets in the way. People usually prioritise their spouse and kids and family before friends and friends only meet up once in awhile. That’s quite ok for me. I feel usually they’re OK for hanging out and giving advice but I do have to solve most problems myself or with my SO. Friends don’t have time to be super involved with my life neither do I feel comfortable involving them so much. However if they do need help I will help them.
- yup. the older we get, the harder it is to make time for each other. multi-purpose ones are even rarer. i find that it helps to sort and think of my friends in the following categories so i dont have unrealistic expectations of them:
Cat 1) those whom i can confide in and trust they wont betray my secrets. vice versa. unfortunately, this group of ppl may not have time to meet up more than once or twice a year as they are all in different phases of life (some w lots of OT, some with young kids, some outstation etc)
Cat 2) makan/interest/fun group (specific interest, specific group
Cat 3) ppl i only chat shallow topics / unimportant matters with (normal classmates, CCA mates, workmates, neighbours etc who never got beyond their original label). as they are usually with us at school/work several few days a week, we will see them w/o even trying. this is the group we cant run away from, so might as well have a bit of fun doing/talking about less important stuff with them than waste Cat 1 ppl’s time
we all go through a period of time where most of our childhood friends were Cat 1+2+3 and then they stopped being able to be all 3. being able to accept this reality as early as possible saves a lot of headaches.