I read here about marriage proposals that went wrong – guys not putting in enough effort etc. But marriage is so much more than just a proposal… there are so many other factors to consider.
I will tell you after 21 years of marriage… don’t marry unless you are very sure.
We went to pre-marital workshops to talk about anything under the sun. Talking is easy.
Doing chores, having kids, and even having nighttime activities is difficult.
Firstly, we had never even gone travelling alone before marriage, never stayed together at all before marriage.
It’s ok if both parties are serious about making it work..however, sadly people change. I feel like I ended up getting a shock. My hubby has never cooked nor has ever done a day of chores in his life.
We didn’t even know how to “do it” in bed. We needed to read books about it.
We didn’t even know that we both had fertility issues. We took three years to have our first child with Clomid and 6 years to have our kids via IVF.
And when it came to kids – the person who usually ends up giving up their job to take care of them is the woman. So the hubby who had promised to have a joint account at the start of the marriage suddenly decided to have an individual account.
Suddenly you realise all the promises of your money are my money and my money is your money is all nonsense… he changed. Knowing he is the sole breadwinner, he decides how much to give you and he keeps his own account from you.
He bought his “own car”, changed his job to do anything he wants as he has his own money.
Suddenly, after 21 years of marriage, you realised you had sacrificed so much for the family (injections, iui, ivf) but your husband acts like a single man.
He enjoys playing with the kids, but disciplining them and managing their studies, their handphone usage, their meals… all lies on your shoulders.
He continues to game and does not help with chores. He even continues watching “special videos” as if he was single.
Then you realised – why did you even marry in the first place?
The diamond, the promises that he will continue to love and protect you and do all the chores are just nothing but lies.
He just enjoys the fact that he has a family so he won’t be lonely. But other than that, he continues his single lifestyle.
So ladies, please open your eyes big big… don’t look at the proposal, don’t look at the diamond, the bank account, the house, the car, the degree.
Know if he is the guy you can spend the rest of your life with. As he is now, not what you hope he will be.
We are usually maternal and might give up everything for our family.
If given another chance… I would rather wait till I find a more suitable guy who truly loves me and keeps the marriage vows, than someone who will only keep the vows if you don’t disturb his gaming or interfere with his money.