I have a severely autistic brother. Growing up, my parents devoted all their time, attention and money to my brother’s care. They even warned me that they will not have any inheritance for me because all their money may go into caring for my brother. That’s fine, I can be my own self made man. Recently they hinted very strongly that I will need to care for brother after they are gone. That’s when I lost it.
1. I have my own goals and dreams.
2. I never asked for the burden that is my brother. Both financial and emotional burden.
3. Do not make my bro (parent’s problem), my wife’s and my problem.
Told my parents no way in hell that’s gonna happen and they better make provisions for him after their death. It is fine if they leave me nothing, but do not leave me with a huge burden that can potentially outlive me. They chose to have my brother and they should be 100% responsible for him. Suddenly I am the bad guy in the family, cos I have my own wife + house and I refuse to take care of bro?
Even the wife thinks I am very harsh, but she kept quiet when I asked if she is willing to sacrifice needed for an autistic adult.
Updates:
I am the person that posted about how my autistic brother is a burden. So many comments calling cold-hearted and all. Heck la. That’s the point of this anonymous site right? Allow me to give some context, on what it takes to live with someone like my bro
When we were teens, I brought him to the hawker center to buy food. We were in the queue and there was a young girl wearing FBT in front of us. My bro, maybe going thru puberty feeling horny, just smacked that girl’s behind. She turned around and accused me, I was just using my phone and trying to understand what was going on. But no…… it’s always the sane one that does the crime. I got arrested, locked up for a few hours, and was only released when witnesses confirmed that it was my bro. Did my bro suffer any consequences for his actions? No…. coz he’s autistic, but I was unfairly incarcerated and a girl got molested for nothing. My future could have been ruined coz of him.
Another time in JC, I brought him to a department store to buy something. He had some anger fit and started throwing items in the store. Who paid for all the freaking damages? Me. Did my parents reimburse me? Hell no. 3/4 months of part-time work savings were all gone because he couldn’t control himself. I was so done at this point, I just paid for the damages, left him sitting on the floor, and went home. Parents had to go get him from the store.
He doesn’t speak, he grunts. He also throws temper tantrums when we do not feed him during his “meal time”, like the zoo. There are animals more well trained than him. So of course there is no love, no relationship. He’s like an animal ruled by instincts, that can get all of us into real and legal trouble. You can put down an overly-aggressive animal or put a pet up for adoption, but we can’t do anything to him.
So no, now that I have my own life, I refuse to let my bro back into mine. Had a serious talk with my parents and made it clear that I will have nothing to do with him once they are gone.
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