I a 38y.o guy am recently divorced. I was hanging out with a group of friends on Saturday who I haven’t seen in a while, and my divorce was an inevitable topic of conversation. My ex and I split amicably with no nasty court case or anything, and most of the questions were about what happened, and why.
Eventually, questions came up about me dating again. I wouldn’t say that I’m ready to start dating yet, but the conversation was more about what I would look for in a partner.
One of the things I mentioned is that I’d ideally want someone who was career-focused, professional, and made good money. Most understood, but one person there in particular who seemed to take issue was Alice. She isn’t a close friend of mine and I’ve only met her a couple of times, but she was good friends with others who were there.
Alice tells me that money and career should never be part of the criteria when it comes to romantic partners. She continues that if I only choose to date people with money, then I’m no better than gold-digging women who marry for money.
For context, I’m a pretty ambitious professional with a career that I’ve been working very hard on for years, and make a little over 200k/year. My ex is a baker by profession and was pretty burnt out by the time we met. We were together for nearly 10 years, and I supported her financially for that entire time. She didn’t really have any career ambition which made it hard for her to empathize or relate to mine.
I tried to explain to Alice that it wasn’t the same, and that after the experience with my ex it was more about finding someone I can relate to, who I won’t end up having to financially support. She counters that rejecting someone who might be a lovely person just because they don’t make enough money makes me a bad person.