i (18f) am 5 months pregnant and i have to force my fiance (20m) to shower, brush his teeth, etc.
i am pregnant and my fiance won’t take care of basic hygiene etc tasks on his own. i’m really exhausted and i need to know where to go from here.
i am 5 months pregnant. my fiancé is an amazing man and i love him with all of my heart. we have been together about two years now. i truly intend to spend the rest of my life with him, but this is really affecting me and i don’t know what to do.
our entire relationship i have had to basically be a mother to him. i have to tell him to brush his teeth, to change his clothes, to shower, take his medicine, to do his schoolwork. i have to wake him up and tell him when to go to bed.
the worst thing is that i have to argue with him to get him to complete these tasks. if i don’t force him to do these things, he simply doesn’t.
once i didn’t remind him to do these things because frankly i was exhausted and i wanted to see if maybe he’d step up.
i think he went about 4 days without showering or changing his clothes before i finally couldn’t take the smell anymore and i made him shower. it’s so draining and i’ve just been keeping it bottled up for so long. i also have to beg him to help me clean.
i have been extremely patient and understanding. however, keep in mind he works a full time job and is well above average intelligence. i believe he is fully capable of doing these things on his own, maybe i’m wrong, i don’t know.
every once in a while i have asked him to try to work on it, to set reminders on his phone if that would help him. i have always held a calm tone and been nothing but supportive and kind. i have never shamed him.
but today i had enough. he was arguing with me about not wanting to brush his teeth. i told him that i was done being his mother, that he was an adult and that i feel he is fully capable of taking care of himself.
i told him i felt like when my son is born i was scared i’d be taking care of both him and the newborn all by myself. i told him i would no longer be reminding him because i was exhausted.
he said i couldn’t just suddenly leave him to fend for himself; i said i disagreed and that he should be able to perform basic tasks. i feel bad for it but i asked him if he would even be able to take care of our son when he couldn’t take care of himself. he got really quiet after that. i feel so bad.
i love him with everything in me but i just can’t do this anymore. i’m pregnant, i’m hormonal, i’ve been doing this for so long and i’m tired.
any advice is appreciated. don’t know where to go from here. thank you for taking the time to read this.