I’m a 29-year-old woman who never had a boyfriend. I am tired of feeling lonely and miserable. I see my dreams of having a family fading away.
I’m 29. I’m a physician. I’ve always been a nerd, until the whole Ugly Duckling thing happened to me during puberty and I became what people call “a very attractive lady”.
I’ve always been worried about becoming a good doctor and a good professional. Perhaps that was my mistake because I spent way too many years of my life studying and trying to be great in college and university.
Thing is… Years have passed by, I was rejected for many men because yes I am shy, introverted and don’t smile that often, and I have never had a boyfriend, a proper date, let alone had someone tell me he fell in love for me. My love life is zero. NADA.
I feel like I am wasting my youth in stupid professional quests and the personal life I wanted to have is going away. I just want a family in the end. I want children. I want to love my children and teach them about the world. I want to have a husband and make him happy, I want him to leave work and think “I am so glad I am going home to meet my wife, that makes my day better”.
Yet I don’t have any of this. My ambitions are very simple and mundane, and yet I can’t have them. People say I intimidate men for being “too beautiful and too successful”. I can’t believe them. I just think I may seem to be a rude or a very desperate woman who repels men.
Before you talk about hobbies… I have tried basically anything to pursue my passions and hobbies. I have joined so many courses and activities I am exhausted now. I didn’t spend my life locked in the basement.
I have tried every possible course, class, activitie, hobbie I liked in order to meet new people. I speak multiple languages, I swim, I can cook, I have a MBA certificate, I’m a certified professional make up artist, I have taken photography and drawing classes. I have tried online dating, too. And it was an awful experience. 99,9% of men there only wanted casual hookups and weren’t that interested in me.
I am tired of all this. I am not asking much. Yet it seems that I can’t have these simple things I’m asking. I just want to have a FAMILY, that’s all. And it’s absurdly hard for me.
I sometimes see my mother looking at me with a pitiful look and it crushes me. She said it already, she said that she feels sorry for me.
She’s always asking “But isn’t there a nice guy where you work, a guy you could date?” I feel that my mother doesn’t talk much about it in order not to hurt me, but I feel she’s worried as well. And perhaps a little sad and disappointed.
My friends don’t even ask me about guys anymore. They used to ask, a few years ago, if I had met any interesting men. They have stopped asking this.
I’ll be turning 30 this year, and I couldn’t make my personal life work so far. In 30 years, I couldn’t meet the man of my life and couldn’t have a family. I couldn’t even have a proper date. I didn’t even have a guy ask me out.
I feel like a failure. Yes, I feel like complete shit.
I just wish I knew how to feel better about myself, while I don’t find anyone. It’s been a long time since I felt genuinely happy about myself.