I’m writing this from my guest bedroom. I (37F) have a medical condition that makes it extremely important for me to get high-quality uninterrupted sleep. My husband(50M) snores loudly all night like a ship horn.
In the first few years of our relationship, he was open to ideas of controlling his snoring, but nothing ever worked. I convinced him to see my sleep doctor and make sure it’s not a sleep disorder or another medical condition. According to him, the sleep doctor said that he simply has a snoring problem (no medical condition). He said that surgery was the only option.
My only real needs for sleep are that it’s dark and quiet. I’ve been using earplugs, but I can’t sleep with them for the whole night. I am always scared of missing my alarm or emergency need from our young children.
During half of the year, my husband has to get up very early for work. This means going to bed and getting up early, earlier than me. In order for him to fall asleep and stay asleep, it needs to be extremely quiet. That means that if I come to bed after him and make any noise (opening the door or toilet water flashing) he awakens and becomes very upset because his entire night of sleep is ruined.
I honestly try to be quiet but opening the door or toilet water flashing is difficult to avoid.
I had reached my boiling point. I no longer have pity for someone who clearly doesn’t care about my quality of sleep, yet fiercely protects theirs. I don’t want to be revengeful, but I’m done being purposely quiet.
I had started responding without apology, telling him to get his own earplugs or move into the guest room if he doesn’t like the noise I make. He thinks this makes me a not understanding wife because I can prevent my noise, unlike his snoring.
My husband doesn’t respect my sleep, so I no longer respect his.
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