I (24F), met my current boyfriend, ‘Brent’ (37M) at work.
He WAS in a position of power over me but when he switched into a different department, we started dating. We’ve been together for just under a year and a half now.
We were at his parent’s house for a BBQ last weekend with all of Brent’s siblings (4, all older) and their SOs and kids. Towards the end of the night, the adults were all sitting outside and Brent’s mom, Donna (70) announced to the group that she had a surprise for me, she went inside and came back with a gorgeous pair of pearl earrings and said she wanted me to wear them down the aisle and pass them onto my own daughter.
I was touched and thanked her. She asked that I put them on for her and I did and then remarked “I’ll take them off and give them to you before I go, I won’t be needing these for a while!” Then I felt a big shift in the air. Donna said kinda stiffly “what’s that supposed to mean?”
I kinda awkwardly laughed and said that I was only 24 and waaay too young to be thinking about getting married or having babies anytime soon and I won’t even begin thinking about marriage until I’m 27, and babies until like 29-30, minimum.
I said I wanted to really enjoy my 20s and live this part of my life fully, before I was ready to become a wife or mom.
There was a moment of silence before Donna quite literally burst into tears. She said that if that was the case, I should’ve told Brent before I “wasted his time” and that if I wanted to be reckless and non commital and not family oriented then I should’ve “done it with someone else”.
I said that it was hurtful to hear and that I loved (silent) Brent but I was still in school for 2yrs more so I hardly had time for a wedding, babies, or being financially independent enough for a wedding.
Brent spoke up and said that he made enough money to pay for everything (he does) until I’m comfortable enough to. The whole table then started telling me how being married now vs at 27 isn’t that different and how having kids young (25-29) is great bc it’ll be with someone succesful and supportive, how I could still “live my life”, and how it was healthier biologically and etc. I ended up saying “Brent hasn’t even asked me to marry him so it feels weird to have this conversation with everyone else before I have it with my own boyfriend. I’ll get married and have babies when I’m ready to, not when anyone tells me.” And then I excused myself, gave the earrings back and left to go home.
Brent cane over the next day and said I should’ve just gone with it, that he wants me to be comfortable obviously but that everyone had a point, that 2-3 years isn’t that big of a deal and that I hurt his mom so I should at least call her and apologize.
I said I’m open to talking to her about my perspective in a calm and healthy way, but I’m not apologizing.