I quit my 2-month job yesterday, IT burnt me out.
Hi! I’m here to share my story in the professional field as a woman in Engineering, and I was hoping I could get some perspective here.
I (29F) studied telecom engineering and ended up being a developer for 5-6 years. Deep down I always felt like the field wasn’t for me and my personality didn’t match with it (I’ve always leant towards the creative side of things) but I stuck it out due to peers’ pressure and a stern family.
I managed to fool myself into thinking I enjoyed it, but I think I’ve always known subconsciously that it wasn’t for me, because no job has ever satisfied me. I mostly stick it out to a year, then I find something I don’t like about it and quit. I’ve always described my work as “tolerable”.
However, my most recent two job experiences are mainly the reason why I feel like I’m about to snap, feel absolutely burnt out, and seriously considering leaving the industry:
1- A job I had at a tech company, I was hired because the one analyst they already had, was overworked and I would be taking some of his workloads. He was nice in the interview, but after I joined, he completely ignored me and I struggled to get guidance for the role. Our boss made it clear he had to train me, but the guy always found an excuse not to talk to me. It was clear he did not want to let go of the workload to stay relevant and indispensable, and it was even more clear he did not like the fact that I joined. I left after a month of not being able to do absolutely any work, and after 2-3 meetings of me explaining my needs and not being heard. I tried to change things but it was clear they were going to stay as is.
2- After that I joined a startup as an IT developer in a team of 3. I thought this one was going to be much better, since the interviews went extremely well, my skills matched the requirements almost to a T and I got along with everyone. They admitted my gender played a part in hiring me, since they were all men and needed more diversity, but I didn’t mind. Everything was great at first, but things slowly started taking a turn as it became clear my boss didn’t like me being a part of the team. The CEO praised my fast adaptation, but my boss nitpicked everything I did, micromanaged me and made me cry twice (I have never cried at a job) for not reaching the correct solution of 2 complex tasks on the first try (tasks that I definitely should not have been doing at 2 months – they had a complexity that required profound knowledge of the existing code, and I was still getting acclimated). He disrespected me and talked to me with such a rage and frustration, that I started feeling unsafe just by talking to him. I quit yesterday because I realized there was no going back for me, I knew I would not be able to feel comfortable again and I had to prioritize my mental health. When I talked to my boss, he said he was “sorry I felt this way”, that he “can’t help getting enraged sometimes” and that he’s just “too transparent and can’t help being harsh because it’s his truth”.
I need some perspective. At this point, my confidence is shattered, I feel absolutely burnt out from the industry, and I need to hear if I’m being crazy or not for feeling this way. I am taking a few days off job searching to reflect and understand why I keep failing professionally.
I do believe my lack of passion might play a part in other people getting frustrated with me (like my latest boss), and something is telling me that maybe I should leave such a male dominated world – I don’t consider myself to have the thick skin to endure all of this. I feel weak, and like a failure for wanting to switch careers at almost 30.
Thank you for reading me, I really needed to let this all out. Any advice is welcome.